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Oh, Mitt Romney. With your uncomfortable stuttering and your terrible jokes and your inability to navigate interactions with hu-man units. We know younever meant to campaign for president (twice) but you are really, really bad at this.


Mr. Romney, who marked his 65th birthday on Monday, was in a jaunty mood during a stop on the Gulf Coast. He made clear that he was not certain just how self-assured he should be.

“You might be shaking the president’s hand,” Mr. Romney told a man in Mobile, where a rainstorm forced his supporters to seek shelter on the porch of a cafe. As he reconsidered how confident his remark sounded, he added: “Then again, you might not. But I hope you are.”

When your editrix was a sexxxy 18-year-old bleach blonde (47 years ago), she once stood in line for coffee behind a handsome salt-and-pepper gent who, after giving her a bit of the eye, turned to tell a little icebreaking joke. Motioning toward the muffins, he jovially remarked, "Those aren't chocolate chips. Those are rat turds."

That man went on to become Mitt Romney.

[New York Times, via MaddowBlog]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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