Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0

To prepare for his debut as a real US senator tomorrow, Willard "Mitt" Romney published an op-ed in the Washington Post yesterday to declare, by golly, he objects to Donald Trump's churlishness, which has really brought shame to the party of tax cuts for the rich, demonizing the poor, and limiting racist rhetoric to polite dog-whistling. Truly, the senator-elect has assumed the mantle of ineffectual tut-tutting we always knew he would.

The op-ed is exactly the sort of toothless hand-wringing flutterpation we've gotten used to from Republicans who worry that Donald Trump is simply too crude to be the standard-bearer for the party of Fox News, oh, my, and isn't it a pity what we have come to after such an auspicious start:

It is well known that Donald Trump was not my choice for the Republican presidential nomination. After he became the nominee, I hoped his campaign would refrain from resentment and name-calling. It did not. When he won the election, I hoped he would rise to the occasion. His early appointments of Rex Tillerson, Jeff Sessions, Nikki Haley, Gary Cohn, H.R. McMaster, Kelly and Mattis were encouraging. But, on balance, his conduct over the past two years, particularly his actions this month, is evidence that the president has not risen to the mantle of the office.

Romney frets that Donald Trump is simply not the sort of person who can bring a nation together and "inspire us to follow 'our better angels,'" and isn't it a shame we don't have a real leader in the White House, someone of honor and integrity? And oh heavens, on the world stage, why does Donald Trump say such mean things about our allies and fail so badly at American Leadership? Also why did he spurn Mitt Romney for SecState, even though Romney gave him such a nice tongue bath and let Trump humiliate him over dinner?


It's not so much that Romney says anything outright wrong -- yeah, Donald Trump IS terrible, thanks for noticing. But for chrissakes, this is the man who dismissed half of all Americans as worthless takers and leeches, now complaining Donald Trump shouldn't "promote tribalism by exploiting fear and resentment."


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Besides, Romney makes clear that when Trump pursues the awful Republican agenda, Mittens is absolutely on board:

He was right to align U.S. corporate taxes with those of global competitors, to strip out excessive regulations, to crack down on China's unfair trade practices, to reform criminal justice and to appoint conservative judges. These are policies mainstream Republicans have promoted for years.

In fact, Mitt would just like to remind Republican megadonors that should Donald Trump somehow not be available to run in 2020, for some reason, there's a mature, experienced presidential candidate ready to play lapdog for their interests, please, please?

Not surprisingly, a lot of the usual idiots were very happy to proclaim Mitt a very brave Thought Leaderer, because if the last two years have taught them anything, it's that when a Republican puts on a frowny face and says he's serious, then by golly, the good conservatives will bring sobriety and gravitas back to the corporate whorehouse.

Something something Lucy, something something football.

Donald Trump was his usual diplomatic self, although in an admirable display of restraint, he didn't bestow a third-grade nickname on Romney. Expect him to explain that's somehow saving money during the government shutdown:

The GOP chairwoman chimed in as well, making a very public display of her loyalty to the "president" and deftly hiding the inconvenient fact that Mittens Romneyton III is her uncle.

You really have to be impressed at the former Ronna Romney McDaniel's Stalinist devotion to Dear Leader. Uncle Willard? Who? Never heard of him. An "incoming Republican freshman senator" is the new "Individual 1."

Yr Wonkette can hardly wait for all the times Mitt Romney will bravely stand up to ... oh, fuck it, no, we're not even looking forward to Mittens folding up like wet origami to vote for 95 percent of what Trump wants. It's just another goddamned iteration of the same old never-Trumper-but-maybe-actually-most-of-the-time shit we've seen since 2016. We're sick of Republican Groundhog Day, we really are. At this point, we'd even watch The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou instead.

[WaPo / Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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