Mitt Romney Will Be GOP's Sexxxy Knight In Shining Armor! Or Scott Walker! Or Somebody!
Who will play the part of Fabio in this romance tale???
Bill Kristol is obviously very Trollpoots McSad right now, because his #NeverTrump plan to get National Review writer David French to captivate the spirits of America and become our next president did not go so well. And none of Kristol's other #PresidentIdeas went so good either. So a writer for Kristol's Weekly Standard named Jay Cost has cometh upon A Brand New Idea -- what if Mitt Romney rode down on his car elevator to save America?
Cost writes that Trump is a racist (which is appalling to conservatives!) and Hillary is a "Nixonian" lawbreaking liar (more appalling-er to conservatives!), and literally begs Mitt Romney, with his tongue right inside the slit of Mittens's Mormon Magic Underpanties, to please run for president, for America:
Governor Romney, there is nobody else but you who is capable of such a bid. It is a credit to your modesty and sense of decency that you demurred and instead tried persuade others to run. But there really is nobody else. General James Mattis, Senators Ben Sasse and Tom Coburn, and David French are all estimable men, but the enormity of the task was too great for them to accept. Only you possess the experience, the political network, the good health, and the time to dedicate to this great endeavor. Only you have the standing with the voters to endure the assaults of Trump and Clinton.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599384/mitt-romney-will-make-his-buttocks-available-for-kicking-if-needed"></a>[/wonkbar]LIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! So that's just a great new idea, just like it was a great new idea back in March, when Mittens was all over the place talking about how, even though Trump Sux, he definitely wasn't running for president, not that he'd say "no" if he were nominated, per se, but ... he wasn't running, so shut up!
But back then, they were talking about the possibility of a brokered convention, which is totally different from how things are now that Trump has sealed The Art Of The (GOP) Deal, and is set to be crowned King Of All The Dumbfucks in Cleveland in July.
But wait, wingnut clown scrotum Hugh Hewitt has another Brand New Idea? Maybe we can still talk about a brokered convention, and it doesn't just have to be some loser third party bid for losers? Do tell, Hugh Hewitt!
Either the Republican National Committee must change its convention rules or the presumptive Republican nominee needs to change his personality, conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt remarked on his program Wednesday morning.
“They ought to get together and let the convention decide. And if Donald Trump pulls over a makeover in the next four to five weeks, great, they can keep him. It would be better if he had done so 5 weeks ago. But it’s awful and it ended bad last night ..." [...]
Accepting of Trump as the nominee against Hillary Clinton at this point, Hewitt said, is "like ignoring Stage IV cancer. You can’t do it, you gotta go attack it."
Huh, wonder how that "rules change" would work. Just pull a few switcheroos and add some asterisks that say, "Unless the presumptive nominee is Donald Trump"? That will go over great with Trump supporters, for real. They're not known for violence or anything, so what could go wrong?
But that could be an opening for Mittenseses! He could ride into the Republican National Convention with a naked Paul Ryan slung over his shoulder, save the GOP, and they could win for president just like they did in 2012!
Or maybe it could open the door for somebody else? Like ... hm ... let's see ... who was one of the first fucking losers to drop out of the fucking loser Republican Primary where everybody was a fucking loser?
YES! Remember back in the olden days of September when Scott Walker dropped out of the GOP Primary for #America purposes, so the GOP could unite around a #NotTrump candidate people didn't hate quite as much as they hated Scott Walker?
Yes, well, Walker told the press Tuesday that he's just super sad about how this election has turned out, and how he just doesn't feel comfortable supporting Trump unless he says he's REAL sorry to that Messican judge for being such a racist. Walker said he'll see what happens at the Republican Convention, and made some BREAKING NEWS:
He's not yet the nominee. Officially that won't happen until the middle of July and so for me that's kind of the time frame that, in particular, I want to make sure he renounces what he says -- at least in regards to this judge.
What, you did not see the BREAKING NEWS? Some dick pimple blogger at RedState sure did!
WHOA IF TRUE and let the idiot writer explain:
"He's not the nominee yet" really can only mean one possible thing: Walker is among the people who are at least entertaining the possibility that something might happen to prevent Trump from becoming the nominee in July.
And that means there are "rumors" that Scott Walker might be the "something" that "might happen," oh boy, oh boy, hold us, Republican Jesus!
Unless Mitt Romney is the "something," ooh yeah, that would be SEXY.
Or if those don't work, there's always Sarah Palin! Or Ronald Reagan's reanimated cock 'n' balls! Or, or, or ... SOMEBODY!
This is totally going to happen, YOU'LL SEE.
[The Weekly Standard / Politico / WKOW / RedState]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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