Monster Drink Lady's Viral Video Had Best SEO Consultant Ever: God Almighty

Monster Drink Lady's Viral Video Had Best SEO Consultant Ever: God Almighty

Christine Weick, the not-at-all-deranged lady who made a video about Monster energy drinks' Satanic agenda and regularly gets persecuted for screaming at/about Muslims, has explained the secret of her success: God told her that He'd make sure her energy drink video went viral.

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Weick made the thoroughly reasonable claim in an interview with "comedian" Daniel Tosh, which appeared Tuesday on Comedy Central.

When Tosh complimented her on her excellent dumb video explaining that the Monster logo's "M" is really just Jew-Language for "666" -- and other insights -- Weick admitted that she had a little help from the best consultant ever: Yaweh Himself:

God gave me that gift to be able to present it in a way that was perfect. And then He said, "And now is the time that you’re going to go viral."

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She also explained that energy drinks are not the issue here. The aluminum cans and the caffeinated beverages therein are not the problem:

There was a spiritual agenda here. It goes right back to the Bible. It’s not flesh and blood we war against. It’s the principalities of the air, and if you’re not familiar with that, those are demons.

Mr. Tosh admitted that he wasn't familiar with principalities, and wondered what energy drinks Christians should choose. "Mountain Dew," obviously. Ms. Weick also advised him that he was part of what's wrong with America, and that the Devil clearly enjoys his show: "TOSH: Taking Others Straight to Hell." She explained it wasn't a compliment.

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Honestly, we think Tosh is a bit of an asshole. Especially because, for a brief moment, he actually made us feel a bit sorry for Weick. But then she explained that her biggest fear is that she might "speak to someone and I do not share the gospel with them, and they go to hell for it," and we decided that if she wants to look silly for the Lord on basic cable, that's her lookout.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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