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Breaking: More Than 79 Million Children Come Home From School

News

In an incredible stroke of almost unanimous nationwide good luck, students of 67,139 of the country's67,140 elementary schools got to go home after school today, to their parents, or guardians, or whoever is in charge of them, and they didn't really have a bad time when they got there. They may have been hungry, and there is a 19 percent chance they are in poverty, but children in every single state in the union got to go home today.


Children on both coasts and in the middle and all the way out in the weird foreign parts like Hawaii came home from school, and ate dinner, and ice cream, and got hugs, and whined about their homework, and got more hugs, and they didn't necessarily know why.

And that's OK, because they came home, and it's the best news anybody's heard all day.

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Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

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The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

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