Morning After The Election: What Do We Know? Do We Know Things? Let's Find Out!
The waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos.

The only big surprise about Donald Trump's response to the election results was that his false declaration of "victory," while millions of ballots remain to be counted, came just before 2:30 in the morning, not during prime time. As of right now, neither Trump nor Joe Biden has the 270 electoral votes needed to win, and the counting continues in the big states that will really decide the outcome, particularly Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Michigan. Here, have an electoral map from the New York Times, as of 11:18 a.m. Eastern:

We'd also note that the Associated Press has called Arizona, with its 11 electoral votes, for Biden, so the AP's morning count is Biden 238, Trump 213.

We didn't get the national repudiation of Trump and Trumpism that we'd hoped for, and short of a miracle, it's clear Dems won't take the Senate, either.

So now we have to count all the ballots, no matter how loudly President Pissypants claims he "won."

At his great big superspreader event in the White House in the wee hours this morning, Trump lied repeatedly about the outcome of the vote, even insisting that there's something suspicious about an election in which Joe Biden got any votes at all, because words mean nothing at all now.

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"Millions and millions of people voted for us tonight," Trump said, which may have been the last accurate thing out of his mouth. "And a very sad group of people is trying to disenfranchise that group of people, and we won't stand for it. We will not stand for it."

Trump then went on to lie that he had won states which haven't yet been called by media organizations, which is itself not the same as the states' having certified their election votes. No need to bother counting the rest of the votes, though; if Trump was ahead at 2:30 this morning, then obviously any other outcome, like counting all the votes in metropolitan areas, would be "fraud" that must be challenged in the Supreme Court.

Of course it's bullshit, and Biden campaign manager Jen O'Malley Dillon issued a statement calling Trump's statement "a naked effort to take away the democratic rights of American citizens," because that's exactly what it is. But did she have to use the word "naked" while talking about Donald Trump?

"The counting will not stop," she wrote. "It will not stop until every duly cast vote is counted. Because that is what our laws — the laws that protect every American's constitutional right to vote — require."

O'Malley Dillon added that the Biden campaign has "legal teams standing by ready to deploy" if Trump seeks court intervention.

So where are we, exactly? Looks like we have six states that are still counting.

Nevada (6 electoral votes)

Biden holds a narrow lead with 86 percent of the vote counted, but state election officials tweeted early this morning that no more results would be announced until Thursday morning.

Wisconsin (10 votes)

With 99 percent of the votes counted, Joe Biden has a 20,000-vote lead over Donald Trump, according to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

Biden overtook Trump in early morning hours when the city of Milwaukee finally reported its roughly 170,000 absentee votes, which were overwhelmingly Democratic. Then late returns from Green Bay and the city of Kenosha added to his slender lead.

Until those votes were in, Trump had led by about 100,000 votes in the state, so expect him to cry "fraud" because urban voters aren't really American, if you know what he means and his supporters sure as hell do. No AP call in this one yet.

Michigan (16 Votes)

Biden is leading by a slim margin of 16,000 votes, with about 95 percent of the vote counted, the Detroit Free Pressreports. But there are still more than 150,000 ballots yet to be counted. Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson has stated that every last vote will be counted, and tweeted just a while ago that Detroit, Flint, and Grand Rapids had not yet finalized their vote counts.

Pennsylvania (20 votes)

Trump declared in his lie-fest last night that his lead in Pennsylvania would be "almost impossible to catch," which is a hell of a thing to say when there were nearly a million and a half mail-in votes remaining to be counted. The Philadelphia Inquirerreports that as of 4 a.m. Eastern, there were still more than 200,000 absentee votes yet to be counted in Philadelphia alone.

In a presser about an hour ago, Gov. Tom Wolf pledged that every vote would be counted, that the slow pace of results means democracy is working, carefully, and that the state would resist any outside efforts to mess around with the count. Secretary of State Kathy Boockvar added that the absentee vote count is "approaching 50 percent" reminded that the deadline for military and overseas votes isn't until next Tuesday, by law.

As of early this morning, Trump led by about 100,000 votes, but the New York Timespoints out that so far, absentee ballots have favored Biden by 78 percent to 21 percent, so Trump's percentage of the remaining 1.4 million absentee ballots would have to dramatically improve to hold that lead. Mind you, that's all before the expected lawsuit fuckery by Trump.

North Carolina (15 Votes)

Trump leads Biden, 50 percent to 48.6 percent, with "virtually all precincts reporting," according to the Raleigh News & Observer. But there are still some 137,000 absentee ballots that haven't yet been returned, plus provisional ballots from Election Day. North Carolina allows ballots postmarked by Election Day to be counted until November 12, depending, again, on lawsuit fuckery. No call yet.

Georgia (16 votes)

With roughly 236,000 mail-in ballots yet to be counted, the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionreports election officials expect those absentee ballots to be tallied sometime today. As of 9 a.m. Eastern, Trump's lead was just 102,000 votes. The Journal-Constitution's analysis of the count so far indicates

[Biden would have] to win about 72% of those ballots to overtake President Donald Trump, although that percentage drops if even more absentee ballots that arrived before Tuesday's deadline are added to the total.

And that's our very slow wrapup, why am I ever allowed to do breaking news, goddamn it? We wish your fingernails all the best, the end.


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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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