Moron Details Importance of Victimized 'Angry White Man'

The level of stupid in this country is astounding. It is certainly astounding in other countries too, but in some pockets of the United States -- small, rural and usually Western frontier towns that are just large enough to have newspapers -- you will find the absolute stupidest human beings that have ever lived. Every now and then, one of them miraculously gets a columnist's slot at the local newspaper. This is the case of Gary Hubbell, columnist for the Aspen Times, who recently outlined the positions of a certain voting bloc: the Angry White Man. Whether Hubbell is a member of this bloc or not, he's set the United States back several centuries by writing this column.

Here's the story of this election, and its forgotten sons:

Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.

Indeed, no one has recognized this group, except for maybe the Republican Party that has made it the central representative bloc of its ideology. What does the Angry White Man, that we are carelessly ignoring, believe? In Hubbell's words:

* The victimhood syndrome buzzwords -- "disenfranchised," "marginalized" and "voiceless" -- don't resonate with him. "Press 'one' for English" is a curse-word to him. He's used to picking up the tab, whether it's the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.

* The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he's willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn't bother him.

* The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina -- he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

* He's not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He's willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.

* Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don't pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.

These are some of the various aspects of this 'Angry White Man.' Maybe Hubbell is correct that these morons will decide the election, and he certainly feels sympathetic to their disenfranchised voices. But the 'Angry White Man' appears to be a bigoted, boorish Republican, and Hubbell is right to empathize with them -- this poor one-dimensional creature has been the only voice dictating American policy for eight years after all! Thank you, Hubbell, for opening our eyes.

In election 2008, don't forget Angry White Man [Aspen Times]


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