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MRA Dude Is Gonna Be SO COOL After The Apocalypse, You Don't Even Know

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If there is anything those of the Men's Rights Activist/Red Pill/Internet Misogynist ilk enjoy doing, it is imagineering hypothetical and extremely unlikely situations in which they TOTALLY win in the end. Often this takes the form of pipe dreams about the terrible, shallow hot women who rejected them finally realizing the error of their ways once they get older, and crying themselves to sleep at night, filled with regret over all the really good sex they had with attractive, emotionally stable men, thinking of all the times they missed out on giving Trillby McSoulpatch a handjob in his mom's basement.


But sometimes they go even further! Case in point, Corey Savage! A fella with what I am pretty sure is a "Boy Meets World"-inspired pseudonym, who cannot wait for the entire world to collapse so that everyone can see how AWESOME and MANLY he is. In a post on Return of Kings, brought to our attention by the fantastic David Futrelle over at We Hunted The Mammoth, Savage lists "4 Reasons Why Collapse Will Be The Best Thing To Happen For Men." All four reasons are pretty adorable in their own right, but most particularly #4, which is "The Return To Primal Order."

The collapse will mean the restoration of natural order: the rule of the jungle. In fact, I think it would be wrong to call the destruction of our so-called civilization as a “collapse”; it would simply be a return to the way things were. No more corporate serfdom, no more putrid consumerism, no more technological slavery, and no safe spaces for the cry-babies to hide and cry in. Wimps, complainers, and the weak will not survive. People will once again be naturally selected instead of being artificially sheltered.

Oh! What a beautiful dream! A world filled with tough, brave men who are too scared to even put pictures of themselves on the internet, and who write articles titled "8 Ways Women Destroy Themselves (And Everyone Else) By Sleeping Around" and "Why Feminism Is A Terrorist Movement" -- definitely not wimps or complainers. They're just really badass dudes who require an apocalypse to really shine!

One of the best aspect (sic) of the new order would be the return of masculine virtue. As I’ve said, any new society that people form must be defended against external threats. This is not an option. And only an organized group of men with strength, courage, mastery, and honor (as per Jack Donovan) will prevail in the post-apocalyptic world. Men will be men again.

YEAH. A world where everyone is like "OH COREY, IT'S SO COOL HOW VERY MANLY YOU ARE! Tell us again your stories of surviving in a cruel world where women could just go around fucking dudes who aren't you! You're so brave! Where did you get all those sexy fur pelts you are wearing? Did you kill all those saber-tooth tigers yourself? SO DREAMY!"

Who knows what savage energy is begging to be unleashed within that man serving as an office drone? Who knows if that guy flipping burgers for a minimum wage will become the future tribal leader? How many men today are living jaded and unfulfilling lives when they could be fighters and warriors instead?

Who knows which Return of Kings contributor could be like, KING OF ALL THE THINGS? If only they weren't living in this capitalist hellscape created by the MATRIARCHY, they would totally be able to fulfill their destiny. Not to mention, lose their virginity. And then, you can for sure bet that Tiffany will be all like "I'm so sorry I turned down your invite to prom, Corey! You're the coolest guy ever now! Won't you please protect me from the rabid direwolves?" and Corey will be all like "NO, sorry Tiffany. It's your loss. I only have room for ten Victoria's Secret Angels in my tent, and you are not invited. Why don't you go ask Chad to protect you? OH WAIT, he can't because he's dead. Guess high school wrestling doesn't prepare you for war like playing 'Call Of Duty' for eight hours a day does. POOR CHAD."

Can’t wait until men are allowed to be men again? Then you better be ready for the war for survival.

And guess what? There won’t be feminist harpies demanding “equality” when strong men are needed to rebuild civilization and defend against gangs and rival tribes. They’ll be begging for some of that “toxic” masculinity to come and protect them. They’ll kneel in submission to a patriarchal order faster than they would have screamed “rape!” in the previous world. Suddenly, with their government boyfriend gone and the internet white knights nowhere to to be found, their whole feminist charade will shatter and the ridiculousness of it all will become apparent. The unstable and fat ones will likely disappear first as they offer no value to anyone.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! COREY'S GETTIN' A BLOWJOB! FROM A SUPERMODEL! 'Cause after the revolution, the entire world population will consist of dudes like Corey Savage, who have the chutzpah it takes to anonymously whine about feminism on the internet, and some super hot chicks, who will be like "OH! Corey! We're so sorry we ever wanted equal rights! Can we get you a sandwich?"

And it's totally worth it if everybody dies and things are generally miserable, because, again, Corey will might get a blowjob.

Also in the new world, the SJWs and the rest of the progressive freaks will die faster than a gay snowman in Saudi Arabia. No more bitching and insulting each other on the internet, no more trying to censor or ruin other people, and no more crying for sympathy and victim privileges. There won’t be anymore idiotic debates about who is right or wrong: only who survives and who doesn’t. The struggle for life without civilization will be face to face and man to man. I would love to see how well the loser male-feminists fare against the very men they love to bash without a computer screen to hide behind.

The future without the gynocentric system is a future where men will dominate.

SAID THE DUDE WHO IS WRITING ANONYMOUSLY ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HOW FEMINISM MAKES HIM SAD, UNDER A PSEUDONYM THAT IS DEFINITELY A "BOY MEETS WORLD" REFERENCE.

You don't see Corey whinin' bout how he's a victim, 'cept when he's victimized by lady feminists who fail to appreciate how super cool and awesome he is, and male feminists who would probably not care for him either if they knew who he was. This post-apocalyptic future will be a glorious utopia in which Corey Savage will never again have to deal with the indignity of someone on the internet hurting his feelings.

So there you have it! A world suited perfectly to the needs of one Corey Savage -- and all it will take is the complete and total collapse of society, many, many deaths, and the end of equal rights for women. Is that not a worthwhile trade-off for the happiness and fulfillment of one man?

[We Hunted The Mammoth]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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