Mrs. Scooter Regrets
We were watching the footage of Scooter Libby's court appearance and something struck us: That lady with him! Then we realized she just looked like she was about to hit someone. We asked Fred Becker to make sense of it.
Dear Wonkerstick,-- WONKETTE
I was agnostic on the whole Scooter Libby business for a very long time. As you know, I once proposed legislation banning all nicknames based on childhood conveyances. I particularly distrust people named "Pogo." Anyway, I was struck [you, too? - Ed.] —which is I think is how you pundits start your sentences—by the frigid face of Mrs. Libby. She is known as Harriet Grant. Grant is short for Granite which is what her stone cold stare is made out of. And I’m talking about the kind of granite that makes up impenetrable mountains not the shiny, flecky type that looks so horrid on kitchen countertops.
If there was ever any doubt that Scooter is covering for the ample and decaying backside of the Vice President it could be seen in the face of that noble woman. She is fucking pissed. I mean, throw-the-crock-pot-through-the-family room pissed. Why? Because Scooter is protecting the Vice President, dummy! He told this unbelievable lie so that Cheney could keep his sweaty neck lowered down over a warm plate of pork chops. While he’s munching and munching, Scooter’s bank account dwindles, his reputation disappears and his children must suffer.
Guess it's only fitting that someone in the White House should have to take a bullet in all this.
Your sharp-eyed supplicant,