That's right! Lock me up!

At least some people still believe in Michael Flynn, who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI in a deal to cooperate with special prosecutor Robert Mueller. Flynn's brother Joseph is on the case! After Trump tweeted about a Fox & Friends story yesterday, proclaiming the Dossier a great big fakey-fake, Joseph Flynn posted his own impassioned but incoherent call for justice, which stayed up for about 15 minutes -- just long enough for Newsweek to grab screenshots (we've combined their two images into one, full disclosure):

Apparently Joe Flynn thought that phrase "the illegitimacy of his confessed crime" was a tad ambiguous and left the impression that his brother might have done something "wrong," which is of course impossible since Mike Flynn is a great patriot. He later submitted another reply, possibly after someone pointed out the first one sounded a tad deranged, and that Trump might not appreciate the bitter implication that trump hadn't done enough for the general so far:

We suppose we ought to do a little bit of fact-checking here while we're at it -- no matter what Trump says, the intelligence community's investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election wasn't prompted by the Steele dossier, and neither was the investigation into Flynn's lying to the FBI about his own post-election phone calls to Russia's ambassador to talk about ending sanctions. For that matter, the dossier hasn't been discredited, some parts of it have been confirmed, and the Clinton campaign wasn't its original sponsor anyway. Other than that, Mr. Trump...

In any case, it sure is unfair how Robert Mueller forced Flynn to accept a plea bargain to one count of lying to the FBI, when he could have prosecuted Flynn for so much more, like failing to disclose his lobbying for Turkey and taking payments from Russia, not to mention his alleged involvement in that stupid -- and failed -- plot to go outside judicial channels to send a dissident back to Turkey so Erdogan could execute him. (By which of course we mean kidnapping the cleric from his American home, and THEN sending him back to Turkey so Erdogan could execute him.)

Of course, now we learn that Trump's legal team is preparing to attack Flynn as a lying liar -- who's admitted lying to our brave agents of the FBI! -- if Flynn accuses Trump or his staff of wrongdoing, which is presumably why Mueller offered Flynn that plea deal. Trump tried running interference for Flynn for long enough, pleading with James Comey to just let the poor man be and constantly talking about what a noble wonderful guy he is, but once Flynn sings to Mueller, then obviously it'll be time to throw him under any bus that might be handy, assuming it's not being used to block reporters from seeing Trump golfing.

Team Trump happily leaked that strategy to the Washington Post yesterday:

Trump’s legal team has seized on Flynn’s agreement with prosecutors as fodder for a possible defense, if necessary. In court filings, the retired lieutenant general admitted that he lied to the FBI about conversations he had with the Russian ambassador to the United States during the December 2016 transition.

“He’s said it himself: He’s a liar,” said one person helping craft the strategy who was granted anonymity to describe private conversations.

So far, says the Post, Trump's lawyers are certain Flynn won't be able to back up any claims of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia with any of the documents that have been turned over to Mueller or Congress:

None of those records suggest a conspiracy by Trump or his inner circle to improperly work with Russians to defeat Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, according to people who have reviewed the documents.

Just as long as nobody was stupid enough to write down "We are meeting with Russia Thursday to violate election law, BYOB," they should be in the clear, they figure.

The Post also talked to legal experts who said the strategy of attacking Flynn's credibility would be expected in any case where a witness takes a plea deal. Defense attorney and former prosecutor Barbara Van Gelder agreed that attacking Flynn's plea agreement would be "textbook":

“They will pull out all the arguments: ‘You pleaded guilty. You don’t have anything more than your word, and you probably got your son off with this. You got the deal of the century,’ ” she said.

Of course, the actual plea deal doesn't really specify what information Flynn agreed to give Mueller in exchange for that guilty plea, so there's no telling what he may be able to hand over beyond just his testimony. (Please, God, let it be the pee tape. It won't be the pee tape.) Van Gelder said she's impressed by the way the deal was structured:

"That is what I thought was the brilliance of the Flynn plea,” she said. “It said: ‘I’m giving just enough to have the judge sentence you within the guidelines, but not giving anything to anybody else.’”

And of course, it's still entirely possible that Trump will pardon Flynn and then accuse him of lying anyway, because nothing makes sense at all anymore, the end.

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[Newsweek / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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