Good morning, Wonk Nation! Here are some stories we may or may not write at you today!

Russia breached 39 states, attempting to alter or delete voter data and access campaign finance databases, and Obama even used the "red phone" to contact Moscow. No jokes, this is serious.

Trump's lawyer Marc Kasowitz apparently got Preet Bharara "You're Fired" because he's been running around New York bragging about it.

Trump's friend Christopher Ruddy says Trump is mulling over You're Firing Robert Mueller and Republicans aren't exactly thrilled with the idea. They might even mouth a word about "concern."

Jeff Sessions will appear before the Senate Intel Committee this afternoon at 2:00 PM (join us for liveblog!!), but don't expect him to say anything juicy about Trump.

The Senate will introduce more Russian sanctions later this week by hiding them in another bill that wants to put sanctions on Iran; hopefully they can sneak it past Trump.

The attorneys general of Maryland and D.C. filed a civil suit against Trump for violations of the Constitution's emoluments clause seeing as how Trump keeps taking all the Ameros from Not America at his businesses.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has struck Trump's Muslim ban err.. travel ban I mean travel restrictions on Muslim majority countries stating, "National security is not a 'talismanic incantation'..."

While courts may be striking Trump's travel ban, hundreds of Iraqi nationals are being rounded up as ICE processes a backlog of deportation orders for America's greatest threat (after Mexicans, Syrians, the French, Australians, etc).

Tens of thousands of undocumented immigrants have tricked the Trump administration into giving them work permits under existing DACA rules. Thanks, Obama!

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis yelled at Congress last night for screwing around with the 2018 budget, and allowing sequestration to happen.

Trump's pick for FBI director once wanted to keep detainees from having access to a lawyer for as long as possible, which is about what you'd expect from a former Bushie who was cool with torture.

HEY OLDS! Trump's people don't want you suing your nursing homes, so tell your kids to clean up those futons and guest rooms.

Trump's complaining that it's taking a historically long time to nominate what few officials he's put forward, and that's actually true because the vast majority of his nominees are filthy rich and come with tons of ethical baggage that require investigation.

Trump's Treasury Department released details on its rollback of financial regulations, and it's great if you forget all about the toxic loan orgy that led to 2008's market meltdown.


James Comey thinks all this talk about leaking is funny but that's probably because he knows all about Trump's Russian gold standard of leaks.

Illinois Democratic Rep. Mike Quigley has introduced legislation to preserve Trump's tweets called the "COVFEFE Act" which would amend the Presidential Records Act to specifically include social media posts so that he can't delete tweets and InstaFaceSpace pee pee videos.

As Russia tries to capitalize on melting ice caps, the U.S. is setting up massive radar systems on a tiny Norwegian island and the locals are starting to freak out.

Don't let the Chinese fool you with all their promises of renewable energy, Chinese industries are dumping hazardous chemicals and silencing dissent among the poor as "the elite see pollution victims as their enemies and they will do everything possible to undermine them..."

North Korea apparently has crappy drones now, but there's no word on how many paper folds went into making their little airplanes.

Dennis Rodman is heading back to North Korea, and as Crom only knows how he'll embarrass himself this time as he tries to hold doors open for Trump.

EVERYONE is already mad at Megyn Kelly for her yet-to-air interview with tinfoil hat salesman Alex Jones for giving a national network platform to explain his offensive bullshit about Sandy Hook massacre.

Ivanka Trump's clothing factory in Indonesia has been paying some of the lowest wages in Asia, and workers are complaining of violations of women's rights, but it's cool Ivanka is only interested in helping AMERICAN women.

Tomorrow is Trump's birthday and NO, we're not taking bets on how many pee hookers will be his ice cream cake!

And here's your late night wrap-up! Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump's cabinet and Comey; James Corden had some thoughts about Melon moving in; Colbert was angry about Oliver Stone's 20 hour Putin blowjob; and Jimmy Kimmel fixed Planet Earth with Snoop Dogg.

And here's your morning Nice Time: IT'S FIONA! She finally gets to hang out with her mom!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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