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ElectionsMay 18, 2017 09:15 AM
Mueller ... Mueller ... Your Wonkagenda For Thurs., May 18, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the FIVE BILLION things we may be talking about today.
- Former FBI Director Robert Mueller has been appointed as special counsel by the Justice Department to investigate Trump-Russia stuff, which might not be a bad thing seeing as how he's a career G-man-in-black with nothing to lose.
- How bad are things going to get for Trump's White House now that Robert Mueller is going to be sticking his nose all up in their business for months? LET'S FIND OUT TOGETHER!
- Apparently Trump had an "extremely measured" response; he didn't even yell or scream because he had nothing to hide (except pee hookers, some rubles, maybe an FSB bug or two) until someone gave him his phone this morning.
- Now that people are whispering the "I-Word," Republicans are emerging from smoke-filled rooms with "PP" on their minds.
- "President Pence" might be a little premature considering he led the transition team that apparently knew Mike Flynn was under investigation, but Princess Ivanka and President Kushner said it was all cool, so, like, whatever.
- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Days before Trump officially took office, Mike Flynn stopped a plan by the Pentagon to send Syrian-Kurds into the IS/ISIL/Daesh/Whatever-controlled city of Raqqa, Syria because Turkey paid him half-a-million dollars to influence U.S. policy. WOAH, if true! (It's true.)
- Trump is pulling Corey Lewandowski, Jason Miller, and David Bossie back towards his saggy old man bosom while he berates his White House staffers and contemplates their demise, and reverts to his same old shitty business tactics.
- Why would James Comey write memos about his conversations with Trump? Was he covering his ass, or pissed that he didn't get two scoops of ice cream?
- Trump's education budget calls for $10.6 billion in cuts, $400 million for charter schools and vouchers, and $1 billion for "school choice" options. There's no jokes here. Betsy DeVos is just awful; this is a bad policy.
- Immigration arrests are up 38 percent since Trump took office now that ICE has a mandate to kick out all the spooky brown people working shitty jobs nobody else wants.
- Companies are having problems finding people who aren't stoned to work boring blue-collar jobs, so it's probably a good thing that OSHA is suspending injury and illness reporting requirements. Now Uncle Sam won't know how high you were while tooling around in that forklift!
- Those special elections in Montana, Georgia, and South Carolina are coming. Are you ready?
- The FCC has set a preliminary vote on net neutrality for today, but don't worry, the cable companies are promising that they won't be jerks if faux-nerd and FCC Chair Ajit Pai breaks the Internet. Would Comcast lie to you???
- Cyber security is so bad at Mar-a-Lago any modest hacker could break in with decent wireless thing-a-majigger. Good thing there haven't been any serious cyber attacks in the past few days, weeks, months or years...
- Right-wing "journalists" are bitching that they aren't getting scoops like the Times, WaPo, or teevee networks, despite how much they fluff Trump late into the night.
- Alex Jones, Roger Stone, and all the other loony gay frog men are spinning Trump-Russia stuff as secret coups, and it's cute to watch them try to thinker words plans more gooder.
- MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell is in the middle of heated contract negotiations, and we hope he triumphs because nobody wants to see Brian Williams remember that time he witnessed attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
- Roger Ailes died this morning. And, yeah whatever.
- And here's your late night wrap-up! Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at all the Law and Order we're about to get; Colbert tried to find some hidden White House staffers; Jimmy Kimmel wondered what Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson" vs. Trump would look like; The Daily Show found Comey's embarrassing notes on B. Barry Bamz.
- And here's your morning Nice Time! Cheetahs and puppers!
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