MyPillow Guy Got A Thanksgiving Surprise For America, And It Is ... NO, GUESS!

You didn't think Mike Lindell was going to just stop, did you? Kids, that's not going to happen until or unless someone in the man's family decides to pack the MyPillow Guy's MyPillow in the MyCar and take him to the MyHospital, at which point his MyDoctor might maybe examine his MyBrain to decide whether it is safe for him to go back to his MyHouse without adult supervision. And to be honest, even then he'll probably keep babbling forever about how Donald Trump is going to for sure become his MyPresident again.

Just not in August. That bird has flown, directly into a plate glass window.

But it's cool. Lindell was in Alabama this week, making MyPillowForts with the esteemed Alabama secretary of state, and now today, he told his old friend Steve Bannon, who is of sound mind and body just like Lindell is, that the Supreme Court is FOR SURE going to take his case very seriously BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

"This is the big announcement, everyone," Lindell told Real America's Voice host Steve Bannon. "I made a promise to this country that with all the evidence I have that we would get it to the Supreme Court and I predicted they would vote 9-0 to look at the evidence."

No, he predicted they would vote 9-0 to take down the election. That's the way he always said it, that SCOTUS would take down the election. Like it's draperies or a Christmas tree or something.

Careful moving those goalposts, Mike, they might get stuck up your ass.

"Originally I had hoped for August and September," he continued.

We know. Bless your heart, we know.

"I asked all the lawyers just yesterday. We are taking this case to the Supreme Court before Thanksgiving. Now maybe Fox [News] will report that today. You heard it here first because our case is ready. We are bringing it to the Supreme Court before Thanksgiving."

We just really feel like Fox News is still not going to say that, Mike.

"This evidence is 100% non-subjective evidence and that Supreme Court, they're going to vote 9-nothing to take it in," Lindell added.

They're gonna vote nine to nothing to TAKE IT IN. Sounds like some SCOTUS After Dark shit to us, was this Kavanaugh's idea? Clarence Thomas?

Steve Bannon responded by "confirming" the "information" Bannon was saying, like this was a real interview with a normal man. It was kinda weird early in the clip when Bannon referred to Lindell going to the Supreme Court as his "final assault to the Supreme Court." We're sure it's just a figure of speech.

Anyway, all this is definitely happening.

Wait, what's that you are saying? That while you are impressed that this time the Great Pillow Prophet of Minnesota actually picked a time when the Supreme Court was in session for his prophecy that the Supreme Court would be hearing his case, that you are nonetheless almost certain the Supreme Court has already announced its argument schedule all the way through the first week of December or so, and you're pretty sure the justices don't suddenly add dates to the calendar just because they saw an infomercial for shitty pillows at four in the morning while sitting around in their underwear drunkenly eating White Castle together?

You don't know what Amy Coney Barrett and Samuel Alito do on the weekends.

Gonna leave you high and dry with whatever mental images that brought up for you, OPEN THREAD.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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