MyPillow Guy Invites Ted Nugent And Michael Flynn To Self-Pity-A-Thon For Non-Functioning Website

Conspiracy theories
MyPillow Guy Invites Ted Nugent And Michael Flynn To Self-Pity-A-Thon For Non-Functioning Website

Things are not going well for America's wackiest pillow salesman today.

It was supposed to be the (second) big launch of his social media site "Frank," where all the heppest influencers around were going to come and YouTube the Twitters. But when we tried to log in this morning, it looked like this.

So sad!

According to Lindell, this is all happening because the site is being attacked by hackers and trolls who want to destroy his dreams because they hate free speech and don't want there to be a site where people can express their oh-pinions, as long as they don't include any swearing or taking the Lord's name in vain. It is the biggest attack ever, in the history of the whole internet.

But he's trying to make up for it by having a whole day-long Sad-A-Thon with a bunch of his sad friends where they all talk about how totally oppressed and lonely they are just for wanting to say incorrect things all of the time. They're not even selling any tote bags.

When we caught up with the livestream, Lindell was very upset because he was expecting a phone call from Ted Nugent, but kept getting prank calls instead. Eventually, they got in touch with Nugent's wife Shemane, who spent some time talking about how very sad all of the censorship was. Also she kind of seems like she might be a hologram. Then Ted Nugent got on to talk about all of the very bad censorship he's had to deal with in his career.

Now, given that Nugent was in fact a musician during some pretty big times in censorship — back in the heady days of PTA moms and Tipper Gore freaking out over Ozzy Osbourne having bit the head off a dead bat he had assumed was a fake bat (because who throws real dead bats at people during a concert?), whatever it was they were mad at Dee Snider about, and supposed Satanic lyrics and "porn rock," the latter of which Nugent's music could certainly be classified as — you might think he'd have at least one story about actual censorship. Or something approximating that. I'm certainly not big into censorship, but I do think I'd think twice about letting my non-existent children listen to songs about gang-raping middle schoolers.

But no! His big tale of censorship woe came in the form of criticism of his 1998 "Behind The Music" special on VH1, in which an anti-hunting person said stuff about how hunting was bad.

Nugent, referring to himself as "Uncle Ted," explained that having an anti-hunting person on his "Behind The Music" episode from 23 years ago was just like hypothetically having a Klansman show up on a "Behind The Music" episode for a Black artist. That doesn't seem right. It also doesn't seem like censorship, so much as just "another person talking." He claimed this happened because people hated him for loving the Constitution and self-government experiments and freedom.

I mean, they let him go on for quite some time about his self-reported predilection for young girls. Didn't censor any of that.

After that, Lindell brought on Michael Flynn, who said we were all very lucky to hear Nugent's "jewels of wisdom" about how he didn't like his episode of "Behind The Music," and also dogwhistled to the QAnon folks by talking about "digital soldiers." He seemed to think censorship is when you are lonely because you think you're the only one who believes your own bullshit. He was very happy, he explained, for all of the people who would get to feel less alone thanks to Frank.

At some point after that (this one segment went on for 43 minutes), Nugent started going on about how another way he is being censored is that people on the internet keep writing about how he is racist, even though he has a Black bass player and does things that are good sometimes. "How can you be racist if you're taking a legless Marine on a camping trip?" he asked plaintively and seriously, and not like he was trying to tell one of those surrealist jokes like "What's the difference between a duck?"

Apparently Nugent is as clear on "what racism is" as he is on "what censorship is."

Nugent also appeared to suggest that people don't like him and he isn't the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame because he doesn't do drugs, that this is why people attack him. Not, you know, because he says terrible things on the regular.

Lindell, for his part, kept trying to bring the conversation back to how Donald Trump is gonna be president again any moment now, and how 15 million people were supposedly watching his Self-Pity-A-Thon. Nugent remained far more concerned with the myriad ways he had been oppressed, including by people who tell him they like his political "views," which is oppression because all of his political views are just objective fact and calling them" views" makes them seem like opinions.

I, for one, am actually very excited to see what happens when Lindell actually does put this all online, because it's probably going to be even more embarrassing than this telethon.



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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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