MyPillow Guy Mike Lindell Still Mad About This Hallucination He Keeps Having

MyPillow Guy Mike Lindell Still Mad About This Hallucination He Keeps Having

Mike Lindell is very mad, you guys!

No, he's not upset because his supposedly unhackable website has once again failed to launch. Possibly due to hacks, or possibly due to the fact that he tried to build a Twitter lookalike with nothing more than 12 dudes and a case of Red Bull.

And he's not mad that his site was supposed to stick it to "Mr. Alphabet, Mr. Google, Suckabuck, and Dorky," but is actually being hosted on Amazon.

He's not even pissed that he's already out a million dollars on this broken POS website, according to Salon supersleuth Zachary Petrizzo, who got his hands on a leaked Zoom meeting between the pillow man and his fluffers.

Nope, Mike Lindell is PISSED because Newsmax decided to quit fighting Dominion Voting Systems' lawsuit and just admit that the Big Lie is actually a big lie. On Friday, the company issued an apology for painting a target on the back of Dr. Eric Coomer, the director of product strategy and security at Dominion Voting Systems, which continues to feature prominently in rightwing fever dreams about the supposedly stolen election.

Newsmax would like to clarify its coverage of Dr. Coomer and note that while Newsmax initially covered claims by President Trump's lawyers, supporters and others that Dr. Coomer played a role in manipulating Dominion voting machines, Dominion voting software, and the final vote counts in the 2020 presidential election, Newsmax subsequently found no evidence that such allegations were true.

Don't be led astray by carnival barking Oompa Loompas, kids, or you, too, might find yourself stuck between expensive lawyers advising you to cut your losses and a God-snorting infomercial salesman on the warpath.

Not being Newsmax viewers, we admit we are learning for the first time now that the network accused Coomer of everything but kidnapping the Lindbergh baby.

There are several facts that our viewers should be aware of. Newsmax has found no evidence that Dr. Coomer interfered with Dominion voting machines or voting software in any way, nor that Dr. Coomer ever claimed to have done so. Nor has Newsmax found any evidence that Dr. Coomer ever participated in any conversation with members of "Antifa," nor that he was directly involved with any partisan political organization.

Sham WOW!

Naturally, this is not sitting well with Lindell, one of the chief proponents of Trump's bogus election claims.

"I can't say how disappointed I am in Newsmax," he complained in one of his weekly visits to Steve Bannon's podcast.

"It's one thing to settle, whatever that settlement was. But don't say that there was no evidence," Lindell continued, getting more and more agitated, before being cut off by Bannon, who pointed out that Newsmax acknowledges that it already DO YOUR OWN RESEARCHED and came up empty.

But Lindell was prepared for these despicable GOTCHAS.

Where are their facts? Where are the, you know — Newsmax, did you give in because you didn't want, because of this lawfare? Explain yourself, Chris Ruddy and Newsmax? Because we have all the evidence that it a hundred percent — My thing against, uh, with these lawsuits, that's why MyPillow went on the offensive. We have all the evidence! I was ready the first day when I told them to sue me. Why would they do — The timing is just very suspicious here when you've got Maricopa County coming. There are going to be, and I'm going to tell you this, they're going to be very embarrassed at Newsmax with, there's a court thing filed in Michigan today, and it's going to be very embarrassing for Newsmax, that's all I'm going to say.

Would that it were true! But indeed it was not "all" the Pillow Man was going to say. It appears Mr. Pillow is headed for South Dakota to preach to the people of the corn.

Take it away, Sioux Falls Argus Leader:

Event organizers say MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell chose South Dakota and the World's Only Corn Palace to launch a "censorship-free" social media platform because of Gov. Kristi Noem's response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Earlier this week, the Minnesota business man, entrepreneur and ally of former President Donald Trump along with the Tennessee-based promotion company World View Weekend began publicizing an event to unveil Frank, a site built in hopes of competing with against social media sites with policies requiring accuracy of political information. The event will be held the evening of May 10 in Mitchell.

Oh, you thought we were joking about the corn? Your Wonkette is funny, but not that funny! This weirdo is staging a 2200-person (okay, sure) superspreader event at the Corn Emporium. Because what better way to honor Governor Kristi Noem and her fight against public health than to assemble in viral fellowship to share the good word and re-re-launch Lindell's amazing website?

Joe Piscopo will be providing music and every attendee gets a copy of Lindell's memoirs. Get your tickets now!

Are you thinking you'd rather eat lunch off the floor of a Porta-Potty at the Preakness next weekend? That several hours of nails on a blackboard on loop would be preferable? That you'd rather live out your stress dream of turning up naked to a final exam you didn't know about?

Well, have you tried huffing an entire can of Aqua Net? We hear it really helps! Halfway through, you start to see that Donald Trump really won the election in a landslide, only to have it stolen by the Marxist Antifa globalists in a desperate plot to bring communism to America and depopulate the planet. Just a few more hits and you'll find yourself booking a red eye to Sioux Falls to see the great man in person.

It just makes too much sense!

[Newsmax Statement / Argus Leader]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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