Nancy Mace Thirsts For A Different GOP, Legislative Moderation, Human Blood

The House's most 'reasonable' Republican explains a recent vote.

Psst, hey! Buddy! Psst! Over here!

That’s right, it’s me, Nancy Mace, principled moderate Republican congresswoman who occasionally bucks the party orthodoxy! I’m the allegedly reasonable white woman from the GOP that cable TV shows love to book, and I reward them by sometimes saying something like “Hm, maybe our party needs to be less pro-shooting children in the face ,” or maybe “Executing women for seeking abortions is perhaps a tad bit of overkill, no pun intended, ha ha, Dana Bash, next question!”

Then when no one’s looking I’ll accuse the Chinese Communist Party of threatening America’s very important Strategic Panda Bear Reserve and not get mocked until the universe caves in. Let’s see Marjorie Taylor Greene get away with that one!

You’re probably wondering what I’m doing hanging upside down in a cocoon of my own wings in this abandoned Capitol sub-basement. The truth is, this is where I spend my time when there isn’t a TV camera or political reporter within earshot. It’s nice and dank, and there’s a plentiful supply of rats for nourishment. Not to mention the occasional lost tourist who accidentally wanders down here. Boo!

Ha ha, psych! It’s not feeding time yet, you’re good.

Actually, I’m glad you’re here, and not just because you’ve got a juicy-looking jugular vein pulsing in your neck. No, it’s about this thing I did where despite my allegedly actually supporting abortions in some cases, I voted to make sure female members of the military can’t exercise that option. But you know it’s tearing at my soul because I was really curse-y about it :

 “We should not be taking this fucking vote, man. Fuck,” a visibly frustrated Mace was overheard venting to her staff in an elevator, apparently referring to Thursday’s vote to reverse Biden administration policy on reimbursing travel costs for service members seeking abortions. “It’s an asshole move, an asshole amendment.” 

 But Mace wound up backing it anyway . 

First, I’d like to thank whoever leaked that story to a reporter. It lets me distance myself from the anti-abortion nuts in the GOP while also signaling to moderates that I might be reasonable on this issue at some point in the future. No Labels, call me!

Oh, and if it was someone on my staff who leaked it, excellent work! I will never forget this, particularly if we're all trapped in the office and I need to feast.

Second, I’d like to say that of course I backed an abortion-restricting policy despite hating it. I have to run for re-election in a mere 15 months and I’m from South Carolina. You do the math.

Also, I mean, duh:  

 https: //twitter.com/mkraju/status/1679658709180350...  

Let’s say you’re a female service member and you get pregnant after being raped — if sexual assault is even a thing in the military, don’t ask me, I’m rolling here — and you don’t want to carry your rapist’s fetus to term. Or say you want to be pregnant, but you’re one of those tragic cases where the fetus has some deformity or illness that guarantees it will not survive, and you want to terminate the pregnancy to spare yourself and your baby from all that suffering.

But you're stationed in a state that restricts abortion, so you need to travel to another state to receive the care you need, and if the military would reimburse you for expenses if you had to go to another state for any other medical procedure, why not this one?

Now, I’m not necessarily opposed to telling people that I support your right to an abortion in those circumstances. And I sympathize with your suffering, I do! Pinky swear!

But actually doing anything about it would really be inconsistent, and I do have to sleep at night and also not lose any points on Heritage’s congressional scorecard . Do you think I could sleep at night hanging upside down by my claws in this forgotten subterranean space if I knew that I had been inconsistent on my voting record on military policy?

Or sleep during the day. Whatever.

Look, I had the most ironic of choices: I could maintain consistency on military policy by voting against the federal government paying for service members to undergo elective procedures, or I could maintain my party's consistency on abortion policy by not subjecting the women bravely serving our country to anything resembling relief or humanity during what might be the most difficult decision any of them will ever face!

I think the choice is obvious. Listen, I have children, I can’t go home at night and look them in the eye and say “Today Mommy was inconsistent when voting on national defense policy.”

But I’m mad at my fellow Republicans for putting me in this position. You can tell by how much more cursing I did when asked for comment :

 https: //twitter.com/mkraju/status/1679658522366099456  

Also I told POLITICO:

 “I’m all for having these conversations and debates, but doing so as part of a bill which could jeopardize our national security is wrong. Traditionally the NDAA is bipartisan legislation. This year’s bill could be historically partisan.” 

Sure it might be historically partisan because of the amendments that my own dang party is jamming onto the NDAA , but what can you do?

As I also told POLITICO:

 Mace spoke to Sarah in more detail about her frustrations with her own party. “What are we going to do for women?” she asked, pointing to a string of issues that she sees the House GOP majority as ignoring, from rape test backlogs to the foster care system to child care costs. “We have touched none of that this year. That’s my frustration.” 

What am I supposed to do, use the leverage I have when the House speaker needs every GOP vote from his five-vote majority to extract promises to make some of these issues a priority? The Daily Wire would crucify me!

Nope, I did what I have to do. Which is more or less nothing.

Whew! All this talking has made me so, so hungry! But you’ve listened to me, so I suppose the decent thing to do is give you a head start running blindly through the darkness before I unfold these wings and come get you.

Of course as mentioned, I’m not big on doing decent things. Hold still! Or don’t, it won’t matter.

[ POLITICO / POLITICO ]

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