Meet "Col. Lou Huddleston." He is running for Congress in North Carolina against Democratic incumbent Larry Kissell! But if "Col. Lou Huddleston" shuts his eyes and wishes hard enough and promises to be really really good, he's 50% positive he can actually run against Nancy Pelosi.

See, if people think that picture of Nancy Pelosi is unflattering enough, then it's eventually going to reflect pretty badly on Larry Kissell. Why didn't Larry Kissell gently remind Nancy Pelosi to wear sunblock every day, even when it's overcast? Why wouldn't Larry Kissell have fixed Pelosi's hair right there by the cowlick in the front? Therefore, by the transitive property, Lou Huddleston gets to be Speaker of the House. Let's sign this petition immediately.

[NO MORE NANCY via Glenn Thrush]