What Time Is The State Of The Union? Never, Because Nancy Pelosi Just Canceled Trump

Dear Mr. President, get the fuck outta my house. Love, Nancy.

Nancy Pelosi kicked some fresh Trump ass this morning when she wrote a letter to Donald Trump letting him know he's no longer invited to deliver his State of the Union address to Congress on January 29. This is a great loss for all Americans who giggle when Trump mispronounces words that are simple for even the most remedial second graders.

For those of us who are bored with that bullshit at this point, guess what we don't have to do on January 29?

Pelosi's letter cites the Trump shutdown, which in just a few days will turn One Month Old. It's just not feasible to provide security for such an event with all these government employees who aren't getting paid. Also, more importantly, Trump shouldn't be delivering a State of the Union address at a time such as this, because go fuck yourself.

Pelosi writes that it was her "privilege" to invite Trump to deliver the SOTU, because Pelosi knows it's best to pretend to fake-compliment that saggy fuckhead before she shivs him in the dick. She notes that back in the olden days, until Woodrow Wilson, presidents delivered the SOTU in a letter. She informs Trump that no president in modern history has addressed Congress in a SOTU during a shutdown, details the myriad security concerns, and then explains that Trump is cordially invited to get fucked until he opens the government.

Or, you know, he can write a letter to Congress, with his good penmanship and his big words, to be read by no one. His choice.

The very serious Republican reactions are trickling in:

“I can’t imagine telling the president of the United States, one, they’re not negotiating over the shutdown, and tw… https: //t.co/5MdDq7BPa5

— Igor Bobic (@Igor Bobic) 1547654462.0 

On MSNBC, Democratic Senator Joe Manchin whined about the whole situation, saying that where he comes from, in West Virginia, people just don't act this way. Wonkette cordially invites Joe Manchin to get fucked along with Donald Trump, and if he wants to hear from President Trashfire so bad, maybe he can ask the White House for a special private dinner with the president, where they can eat whatever stale Big Macs are left now that the Clemson Tigers have gone home.

When Donald Trump was running for president, as he was shopping for running mates, he advertised the position as one of the most hands-on, active VP positions in history, because the truth of the matter is that Trump is too fucking lazy and stupid to actually do the work of being president of the United States. His presidential schedule mostly consists of him lying around in the residence and tweeting his misspelled grievances while his voluminous ass expands. Trump never wanted to do the hard work of being president. But he did want the ceremony. Trump is a person with literally no inner self esteem, who tries to hide the fact he doesn't love himself -- and we understand why! -- by creating events where he is showered with praise and glory and adoration. It's why he still does his sad little Hitler rallies. It's why he's got such a mini-boner for military parades. Anything that makes him feel important .

And despite the fact that he can't read well or speak English well, he loves things like the State of the Union, because it's all about HIM.

Well, we are very sorry, Mister President, but America has better shit to do that night. You know, unless you want to toss your dreams of WALL into the smoldering ash-heap of your sad, failed life, and go ahead and reopen the government.

But not a second before.

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