Nancy Pelosi Will Send Senate Trump Impeachment Articles When She's Good And DAMN-F*CKIN' Ready

We did it! On the 1,063rd day of his weak and sad and failed term in office, Donald Trump became an impeached man, a stain that will forever be affixed to his presidency, and his entire biography. It will be in the first or second sentence of any profile written of him, and also his eventual obituary. Womp womp, indeed.

And in large part, the person who did it was Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Remember all those times people would say "DOY DOY DOY NANCY PELOSI DO UR JOB!" and we would say"Relax, she's got this," and they would say "BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND NANCY PELOSI'S JOB! ERGO DOY DOY DOY NANCY PELOSI"? Relax. She had it under control the entire time, just like we said. And in the end, she delivered an almost fully united Democratic caucus (minus two and a half idiots and one Tulsi Gabbard), and she was able to do it without whipping a single vote.

Now the biggest question rolling around Washington is what Speaker Pelosi will do with the articles of impeachment, now that they've passed. Turns out she doesn't have to just put them in a bird's mouth and send it on a perilous journey to the other side of the Capitol to immediately deliver them! And with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell saying out loud with his mouth that he plans to violate the oath he will take to be an impartial juror, and with Lindsey Graham saying the same and worse, Pelosi has every reason to hold on to the articles until she can trust and also verify that the Senate will do a real trial.

In a presser after the impeachment Wednesday night, Pelosi stood with Democratic committee chairs and would not commit to immediately transmitting the articles, suggesting that the idea of impeaching and withholding the articles until such a time as Pelosi damn well feels like it, and is assured that a real trial would happen in the Senate, is gaining cachet in Democratic congressional circles. Pelosi explained that she couldn't hand them over without knowing what the process would look like, because if she doesn't know what the process will look like, she can't name House impeachment managers. When reporters were like "GOTCHA! YOU ARE SAYING YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP THEM FOREVER!" Pelosi was like "I didn't say that. You said that. Dunno where you get your crazy ideas, bless your heart, I will pray for you."

Pelosi holds press conference after House impeaches

OK, that may not be an actual quote. These are actual quotes from the presser:

"We'll make a decision as a group as we always have as we go along."

"We have legislation, approved by the Rules Committee, that will enable us to decide how we will send over the articles of impeachment. We cannot name [House impeachment managers] until we see what the process is on the Senate side, and I would hope that that will be soon."

"So far, we haven't seen anything that looks fair to us."

"We'll decide what that dynamic is."

"That would have been our intention [to transmit the articles immediately], but we'll see what happens over there."

In other words, in classic Pelosi style, YOU WILL FIND OUT WHEN YOU FUCKING FIND OUT, SO PIPE DOWN.

Fully 71 percent of Americans, according to a recent Washington Post/ABC poll, think Donald Trump should allow aides such as Mick Mulvaney -- who literally has confessed Trump's Ukraine extortion crimes -- to testify. Democratic senators -- and probably some Republicans! -- also want to hear from those witnesses, and oh yeah also John Bolton, SIT YOUR ASS IN THE CHAIR AND TALK. Indeed, in a letter Schumer sent McConnell Sunday night proposing rules for a Senate trial, he demanded to hear from exactly those witnesses, and a couple more.

Schumer shared his current thoughts on "CBS This Morning":

"We must get the truth, and Leader McConnell is hiding the truth. You know what the American people are asking ... What is the president hiding? What is Leader McConnell hiding? If they don't want these witnesses who are directly dispositive on the case to come before us," Schumer said.

Schumer also seems to think he has a chance to get exactly the witnesses he wants, by leaning on Republicans who might not want to completely wrap themselves in Mitch McConnell's Trump-sucking shame.

"Justice and history weigh on shoulders in different ways, and our Republican colleagues — Leader McConnell may be totally partisan. He may wish to make this impeachment trial into a sham, but there are many Republican colleagues, and many of them are wondering about this, thinking about this. And this kind of serious consequence weighs on shoulders in different ways," he said.

Schumer only needs a few of them to peel off and agree with him, as he only needs to get to 51 senators to set certain rules for an impeachment trial. (There are things that McConnell does not completely control. This is one of them.) And as Talking Points Memo explains, McConnell can only lose a handful of Republican senators for rules he wants.

Donald Trump, fucking impeached idiot that he is, wants some big flashy idiot trial, with witnesses, because he is always under the impression that if his people get to talk more, they will be able to Art Of The Deal him to TOTAL EXONERATION.

Meanwhile, McConnell and Graham want to slam through without even pretending to do a real trial. Do you see how two of these positions are closer together than the other one?

This morning, Moscow Mitch McConnell gave a sort of response to Pelosi on the Senate floor, full of liesfuckinglies, about how this was the "most rushed, least thorough, most unfair" impeachment EVER, and indeed that it was just UNPRECEDENTED. He also tried to get in front of whatever Pelosi is doing, claiming that by failing to send the articles to the Senate immediately, Democrats are confessing that they are "afraid to transmit their shoddy work product" and just obviously have "cold feet."

LOL OK, Moscow Mitch. You betcha. Gotta be it!

Clearly, McConnell thinks he can successfully argue that because Democrats did such a UNPRECEDENTED, then obviously he should not have to follow actual precedent and do his constitutional duty in the Senate. And DAMMIT, Pelosi is making that more difficult for him.

Know who else mad? Lindsey MAD:

And Impeachy The Clown MAD:

Pelosi is holding a fuckload of cards right now, more than any of these dipshits thought. That situation doesn't tend to go well for idiots who try to go against her.

Gonna be a couple of batshit months, y'all, strap in!

[Washington Post impeachment tracker / Talking Points Memo / CBS News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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