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Nation Mourns: David Paterson Isn't First Blind Governor After All

Whatever, fraud.What Canadians call "L'affaire Spitzer" had one very happy patriotic outcome, in that America finally put its racism and misogyny behind it just long enough to say, "Yes We Can have a blind governor, in New York, as long as he isn't democratically elected or anything." And just like that, we had a blind governor, David Paterson. But what if the whole thing was a terrible fraud?


The Associated Press just put this "CORRECTIVE" on the news wire, and our hearts are full of sorrow, and our dreams have died:

p0632 BC-Spitzer-Prostitution CORRECTIVE 03-14 0117
3/14/2008
Correction: Spitzer Prostitution stories

Eds: Members who used BC-Spitzer-Prostitution, sent March 12-13, under New York or Albany datelines, are asked to use the following story. Moving on general news and financial services.

NEW YORK (AP) -- In March 12 and March 13 stories about New York Lt. Gov. David Paterson becoming the next governor following Eliot Spitzer's resignation, The Associated Press reported erroneously that Paterson would be the nation's first blind governor. Bob Riley, who was legally blind, was governor of Arkansas for 11 days in 1975.








Take that, Paterson, you goddamned crook! Bob Riley did your act for eleven days back in 1975! It just figures that whoever replaced Eliot Spitzer would also be a no-good liar.

p0632 BC-Spitzer-Prostitution CORRECTIVE 03-14 0117 [Associated Press]

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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