ND Reps Vote Down Blue Laws Repeal So Their Wives Will Make Them Breakfast In Bed
Earlier this week, the North Dakota House of Representatives voted down a measure to repeal all the blue laws in the state. If you're not familiar, blue laws are really dumb laws that prohibit various activities on Sundays -- sometimes shopping, sometimes buying alcohol, sometimes buying cars, sometimes gambling, and sometimes working. They were created, primarily, to get people to go to church on Sundays (and not get drunk) and to "encourage a day of rest."
Most non-alcohol- or car-buying-related blue laws have been eliminated throughout the United States by now -- although the tradition sometimes remains, and many stores still open later and close earlier on Sundays, even when it is not the law. North Dakota, however, still has the strictest blue laws in the nation -- most businesses cannot open between midnight and noon on a Sunday. An exemption for grocery stores, pharmacies and restaurants was made in 1967, following a blizzard in 1966 when the blue laws prevented people from getting supplies ahead of the storm.
Businesses not being open on Sunday mornings is pretty inconvenient, both for businesses and for people who would like to do some shopping.
But, North Dakota lawmakers have some really, really good reasons for not wanting to repeal the laws! Namely that it encourages their wives to make them breakfast in bed instead of going out and spending all their money on new hats! LUCY!
One lawmaker in favor of keeping the law in place feels Sunday mornings should be used for your wife to make you breakfast in bed.
"Spending time with your wife, your husband. Making him breakfast, bringing it to him in bed and then after that go take your kids for a walk,” says Representative Bernie Satrom.
Another feels his wife spends all his hard earned money the rest of the week and his wallet needs a day off. "I don't know about you but my wife has no problem spending everything I earn in 6 and a half days. And I don't think it hurts at all to have a half day off," says Representative Vernon Laning.
And this is why I have always maintained that two Dakotas is just excessive. There is no reason for there to be that many Dakotas, when they keep pulling shit like this.
Now -- breakfast in bed is great! I am a fan of it! And I have no problem making it, because I like cooking and am good at it, and also because especially right now, I am sublimating much of my political rage by making a lot of food.
But it is weird to not want mimosas with your breakfast in bed, for which you may need to run to the store and buy some Prosecco, and it is weird to want the laws in your state to somehow encourage your wife to make you breakfast in bed, or to keep her from shopping. What with this not being 1954 and all.
Naturally, when questioned about these creepy sexist statements, Vernon was all "They were JOKES, duh! Why are you not hilarious like I am? I am a regular Jackie Gleason over here! This certainly doesn't reflect how I feel about women or about my wife! At all! For any reason! Women! I love them! They're swell! Especially my wife! Just, you know, ladies be shopping!" about things.
Let us hope that later that day, Vernon's wife went out and spent piles of "his" money on nice things for herself, and also maybe a divorce lawyer.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse