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Near Total Destruction of Japan Will Not Mark the End of Cherry Blossoms

Wonkabout

These little pink flower-y things that were a gift from good old Japan will soon be a bloomin’ all over the Tidal Basin. Yes, we are about to enter the dark and scary tourist-infested time that is Cherry Blossom Season—which, haha, this year perfectly coincides with the nextTea Party Protest. Soon there will be an epic battle of fanny pack wearing tourists on Segways versus adoring old Teabaggers on scooters, and the real losers will be the actual inhabitants of D.C. who will have to deal with this onslaught of out-of-towners. But, if there were ever a year to brave the annoying tourists and Tea Party Tards to see the pretty pink bloomage, we guess it would be this one, right? Do it for Japan!


To make braving the tourists and tea party tards and viewing the cherry blossoms that much more profitable enjoyable, many restaurants in D.C. will be offering boozy-free-for-alls and specialty eats all next week. There will also be plenty of cherry-blossom-themed events happening throughout town. The festival runs from Saturday, March 26 to Sunday, April 10 and peak bloom dates are March 29 though April 1.

  • Cherry Blossom Festival Parade: The parade route runs along Constitution Ave. from 7th to 17th Streets NW and will feature colorful balloons, marching bands and performers. One too many SUV's were purchased by the fine D.C. government this year, so there will be an admission fee for the festival this year. But don't worry, *some* of the proceeds from ticket sales will be donated to the relief efforts in Japan.
  • Cherry Blossom Festival Family Day: If you are in possession of a small child, take him/her to the National Building Museum for their sixth annual Cherry Blossom Family Festival. There will be art demonstrations and exciting indoor and outdoor performances that celebrate spring and explore Japanese arts and design. And perhaps an earthquake simulation activity as well. Too soon?
  • Cherry Blossom Kite Festival: The Cherry Blossom Kite Festival is a fun event that does not require a small child for participation. The festival is Sunday, March 27 on the National Mall between 4th & 7th Streets, NW.

If the cherry blossoms cause you to desire an expensive cherry blossom cocktail:

  • Urbana Restaurant and Wine Bar: Urbana will be serving a cherry-blossom cocktail made from vanilla and cherry-infused Maker’s Mark, sour cherry purée, and sweet and sour mix, garnished with cotton-candy and a cherry. $12.
  • Againn: This gastropub is featuring a "Cherrio" cocktail with vodka, Cherry Heering liqueur, fresh lemon juice, rosewater, and egg whites for $9. They will also be serving Sam Adams Cherry Wheat for $6 and, for dessert, they will be serving a cherry trifle for $8.
  • Zentan: This restaurant located in the Donovan House will be serving a "Blossom’ed Lychee Milk and Broken Cherry Cookie" combo.  It's a cocktail is made with lychee, nigori sake and vodka, and it's topped off with a splash of milk foam, why, we do not know. $12.

As the cherry blossoms were a gift from Japan after all, should viewing the little pink flowers compel you to do something for the country, plenty of organizations and restaurants are hosting fundraisers this weekend.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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