Nebraska GOP Rep. Jeff Fortenberry Isn't Worried About Getting Indicted. Not At All. Not One Bit.
Sad news, friends! It looks like another God-fearing Republican has been cruelly targeted by the Biden FBI for telling one or two teensy little fibs — ALLEGEDLY — to mean FBI agents. Or so say Nebraska Rep. Jeff Fortenberry and his wife, who hopped on the internet last night to get their story out before the Justice Department could release the indictment they warn will be coming as soon as today.
(Look for that to drop thirty seconds after this story is published. Isn't that always the way!)
"Dear Friend," begins the open letter where Celeste Fortenberry tells her husband's tale of woe. "Jeff and I have two pieces of news to share with you. One very bad, one very good. The bad news is something we never thought we'd have to endure. You've been a friend and supporter for so long, and you deserve to hear it from us firsthand. Jeff and I made a short video so you could hear from him directly."
What follows is an impressively shameless display of self pity from a guy trying to wrap himself in God, the flag, and apple pie before the Justice Department can get a word in. The man is literally "out for a drive in my 1963 Ford F100 pickup truck," parked in a corn field with his wife and his dog asking Americans to pray for him. And we might even have fallen for it (just kidding, no we wouldn't), if we hadn't already written about this pissant whiner losing his shit over a defaced billboard calling him Jeff Fartenberry and trying to get a University of Nebraska-Lincoln political science professor fired for liking a Facebook post about it.
It's not entirely clear what went down here, but it appears that this dipshit allegedly found himself in the middle of an illegal campaign finance scheme in which a Nigerian billionaire funneled $180,000 in straw donations to four American political candidates. And although Fortenberry was apparently only too happy to pocket $37,000 at the LA fundraising event in question back in 2016, his wife is now incensed that "California prosecutors" would target her poor, innocent husband.
"In 2019, in the aftermath of the Bomb Cyclone, two men knocked on our door here in Lincoln," she says, admitting, "that scared me, a lot." And yet the congressman, who has multiple advanced degrees and can hardly be described as a babe in the woods, sat down for multiple interviews with the FBI, outside the presence of a lawyer. Although apparently the local police were there?
Let Celeste Fortenberry continue explaining! More from her open letter:
Jeff did agree to speak with them (don't ever do that, your innocence won't protect you) without a lawyer (ditto) in our living room, but he did call the police and ask them to stay for the conversation, because the story the FBI used to gain access to our home kept shifting.
The agents said they needed his help. Jeff assumed he was one federal official helping other federal officials in the cause of justice. His instinct, as yours would be, was to help. So, he talked to them.
In the video, the congressman is fairly choked up, saying, "I feel so personally betrayed. I thought we were trying to help." Because he's an idiot, and he hopes you are, too.
Also, former Benghazi Rep. Trey Gowdy was there for some reason?
The scene was upsetting, so afterward Jeff called his friend Trey Gowdy, with whom he had served in Congress, for advice and legal representation. Jeff volunteered to give a follow-up interview with the DOJ (this time in DC). At every step the agents and prosecutors assured and reassured Jeff and Trey that Jeff was not a target. They knew he had no knowledge of the illegal donations, and was in fact a victim of that crime.
And now Joe Biden is trying to Clinton Body County this holy man of Jesus for trying to rescue Afghan Christians, which is really an attack on YOU, a Real American.
I don't know why we have been called to fight this fight. But we are fighting it, with everything we've got, for our family and for America. Maybe we can help stop people in power from using the Justice Department as a weapon against their political enemies.
By the way, Jeff is having to fight this legal battle while he is also working to rescue American citizens and Afghani Christians and allies stranded and in danger in Afghanistan—rescues the Biden State Department continues to obstruct.
It makes complete sense if you think about really. Because Fortenberry hails from Nebraska's first congressional district, where he beat his Democratic challenger by 10 points, and where Trump beat Biden by 15. So if Biden can just knock off a backbencher like Jeff, that seat will be ripe for the picking ... or something.
So then Fortenberry did what he does best, attempting to fundraise off the debacle in a since-deleted post complaining that "Biden's FBI is using its unlimited power to prosecute me on a bogus charge!"
"Unlike Swamp Creature Nancy Pelosi, I'm a principled conservative who has NEVER abused my seat in Congress to get wealthy. And right now I'm facing the Deep State's bottomless pockets," it continued. "So, please chip in a generous gift today to help me win this major fight!"
Which wasn't exactly the tone they were trying to strike with that video. Oopsie!
Anyway, Jeff and Celeste want you to know they are very good people who would never do crimes. And also — hey, you were promised good news! — their daughter just had a baby. So they are grandparents, and everyone knows it is illegal to put Grammy and Grampy in jail.
THE END, at least until they drop that indictment, which has got to be amazing considering the effort these phony assholes put into the prebuttal.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.