Donate

Nebraska State Senator Sues Eric Clapton

God said to Abraham, kill me a son... - WonketteIn order to make the point that there is no such thing as a "frivolous" lawsuit, Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers has filed the most fivolous lawsuit ever, suing God himself. Chambers "seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats." While his confused political point is pretty much impossible to understand, Chambers' suit itself is hilarious. Seriously, look at the details from the filing, it's like a Randy Newman song come to life:


The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is omnipresent.

Why can't more elected officials try to score political points by either disproving the existence of God or demonstrating that, should He exist, he's a huge prick?

The lawsuit accuses God "of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent." It says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

The suit also says God has caused "calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction."

Chambers also says God "has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that defendant will laugh" when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He said as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as expeditiously as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.





Ernie Chambers, the longest-serving Nebraska legislator ever, and also the first and only black member of the Nebraska legislature, will be forced out this year by a term limits law passed more or less specifically to get him to leave. Once that happens we sincerely hope he runs for President or something.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers Sues God [KETV]

$
Donate with CC

While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc