Neocons Getting All Hot Over Imaginary New Cold War

Neocons Getting All Hot Over Imaginary New Cold War

Be warned: America's class of neoconservatives have suddenly grown a POWERFUL NEW BONER. Russia and Georgia's conflict 20 billion miles away has opened the door for the New Cold World War III, this time with SURROUND SOUND AND TEMPERATURE CONTROLLING CUP HOLDERS AND DIGITAL FIRE STEAMFUCK LIBERTY NUKES. Have no fear, because whenever a former Commie aggressor threatens God's Democracy somewhere in the world, there'll always be a Kagan somewhere just stone cold writin' killer op-eds denouncing those fuckers.

This time it's Robert Kagan. Which one is he? The father of the other Kagans? Or the mother of Fred Kagan and adopted grandchild of Donald Kagan? Or is he married to the neocon lady Kagan? Are there any Kagans who are also Klingons? Whatever, they all love bombing the Soviet Union forever, and sometimes they even land coveted guest columns in the Sacramento Bee. Let's start at the ending:

Historians will come to view Aug. 8, 2008, as a turning point no less significant than Nov. 9, 1989, when the Berlin Wall fell.

Russia's attack on sovereign Georgian territory marked the official return of history, indeed to an almost 19th-century style of great-power competition, complete with virulent nationalisms, battles for resources, struggles over spheres of influence and territory, and even — though it shocks our 21st-century sensibilities — the use of military power to obtain geopolitical objectives. Yes, we will continue to have globalization, economic interdependence, the European Union and other efforts to build a more perfect international order.

But these will compete with and at times be overwhelmed by the harsh realities of international life that have endured since time immemorial. The next president had better be ready.

Why we were just thinking how ready John McCain is! He's been wanting to bomb the damn thing, what was it again, Japan, forever. Or was it Sumer and its terrible war capital, Ur? Well we'll bomb all of it, because who else will stop Putin from gassing the Jews if not the United States, Jesus H....

Back to the beginning of the article. Can this particular Kagan make a Hitler reference in the first paragraph? UM, IS THE POPE A CATHOLIC NAZI?

The details of who did what to precipitate Russia's war against Georgia are not very important. Do you recall the precise details of the Sudeten Crisis that led to Nazi Germany's invasion of Czechoslovakia? Of course not, because that morally ambiguous dispute is rightly remembered as a minor part of a much bigger drama.

The events of the past week will be remembered that way, too. This war did not begin because of a miscalculation by Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili. It is a war that Moscow has been attempting to provoke for some time. The man who once called the collapse of the Soviet Union "the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the (20th) century" has re-established a virtual czarist rule in Russia and is trying to restore the country to its once-dominant role in Eurasia and the world. Armed with wealth from oil and gas; holding a near-monopoly over the energy supply to Europe; with a million soldiers, thousands of nuclear warheads and the world's third-largest military budget, Vladimir Putin believes that now is the time to make his move.

______'s leader is consolidating executive power and selectively exercising ______'s authority to keep people scared of ______'s awesome force? ______ is trying to control the world's oil supply, ______ has an intimidatingly large army and thousands of nuclear warheads, because ______ spends all of its fucking money on the military budget. ______ could very well declare war on an non-threatening country!

Kagan is right: this ______ is an evil nation and must be stopped.

Robert Kagan: War in Georgia is just Putin's first step [Sacramento Bee]


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