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Ryan Bundy and brothers in front of Nevada Capitol, which looks like the mushroom guy in Mario Kart

Somehow, we'd plum forgotten that Ryan Bundy -- the "Legal Idiot" Sovereign Citizen son of Cliven Bundy and the real philosophical brains behind the Nevada and Oregon High Plains Grifters standoffs with the illegitimate US government -- is running as an independent for governor of Nevada. But then a tweet by Riley Snyder, a reporter for the Nevada Independent, showed off some of the SovCit madness on Bundy's campaign website, and well, hot spit and murderation, we are impressed with the wisdom therein!


Bundy's "Issues" pages are a refreshing change from many candidates' vague aspirations to support a "strong defense" or be "pro-life" or in favor of "jobs." Bundy, after all, lives in a very special "America" in which, as he explained to Nevada Public Radio, there's hardly a national government at all, because apparently he never heard the Articles of Confederation fell out of favor:

Bundy believes the states should be completely in control of what happens within their borders.

"The United States – I don't see as one country. I see the United States as 50 separate sovereign individual countries – so to speak – that we are united for common cause and purposes," he said.

As we noted when Bundy, his brothers, and a few close, heavily armed lunatic friends seized the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in January 2016, the Bundy Constitution prohibits the federal government from owning any land at all other than the District of Columbia and military bases. It also prohibits the Feds from making pretty much any laws that get in the way of what the individual states want. And for that matter, even the states can't interfere with God's Law, so there's that, too.

Accordingly, Ryan Bundy's Action Plan for when he becomes governor includes an end to compulsory education. Weirdly enough, school taxes would remain in place, although greatly reduced, to fund every parent's own free-market school choice. Bundy really wants to eliminate public schools, which are "prison-like learning centers where they are clumped together and coerced into learning a standardized curriculum," but stops just short of saying so. Instead, he's content to give all the money to anyone who wants to open a "school" and maybe the public system will just die off.

Bundy really gets rolling when it comes to reforming state government, which once he's elected will be reformed -- apparently through his command -- into alignment with his idiosyncratic version of the REAL Constitution:

Ryan Bundy has a personal passion for bringing back the American Constitution. Many laws today are being upheld while null and void because they contradict the American Constitution. As an innocent prisoner of the prison system for 2 years, Bundy learned a lot about the broken system that imprisons the innocent and fails to bring humane justice to those who conduct crimes. It's a lose-lose for The People, and a win-win for the executives in positions of power. Bundy has a personal vendetta to systemically right these wrongs.

You see, there's no need to follow "the law" because the entire system is corrupt, DUH. Once Gov. Bundy is in power, he'll fix things up right fast! He'll let The People (you WILL capitalize, for it is a Worship Word) pick all the members of state departments through internet elections, don't you see. And then it's time to unleash The People's troops:

Executive Orders to nullify all acts, agencies, and laws which are deemed null/void by The Constitution is the first step. Once signed, the Nevada Military & National Guard will conduct a sweep through Nevada, removing all illegitimate agencies, bureaus, and committees. If there are any conflicts, a public broadcast system from within the Governor's Staff will sent to The People of Nevada so they are aware of a foreign enemy within their State borders. Then the issue will be resolved by any means necessary.

Yup, always vote for the guy who promises to shoot people who get in his way. That's AMERICA. We should note here the sections on "Judicial Reform" and "State Sovereignty" are still listed as "TBD," so those ought to be a doozy.

You know what really gets Ryan Bundy's motor revving? The beautiful Second Amendment, which, as you might expect, gets the longest entry of ANYTHING on the campaign site -- a 930-word "Introduction" with the "action plan" still yet to come. He needs the space to recount how his family's Armed Slob Picnic standoff with "unconstitutional federal agencies" was a perfect model of what the Second Amendment really means: government by The People with the most guns, or the least hesitation to use them.

After Nevada State and Clark County Elected officials refused to uphold the Bundy's rights against the perpetrating federal agencies, People from many States came to support the Bundy family in defense of lives, liberties and properties. This Militia of People included some who were armed and some who were not. Because of their sheer numbers and greatly because of those who bore arms the perpetrators were obliged to abandoned their design.

Obviously, if you have a pocket copy of the Constitution, you're allowed to shoot any government agent you disagree with, or at least hold guns on them until they decide a bloodbath is a bad idea. It's just obvious. Oh, also, The People have an absolute right to choose what they put in their bodies, by which he means weed, as long as putting something in their bodies doesn't transgress "natural laws," by which we'll assume he means no homosex, you filthy homosexxers.

As Snyder's tweet highlights, some of the very best crazy is to be found in the section on prison reform, where Bundy explains that innocent people won't even be held in advance of their trials, because how can you jail anyone who hasn't been proven guilty?

Many people are in jail as they wait for their trial to determine whether they're guilty or not. It's unfair, unjust, and unpatriotic! Something must be done!

That's why anyone awaiting trial when Bundy is inaugurated gets a full pardon, and while he doesn't quite spell it out, we get the impression that means a pardon for anyone "convicted" of anything Bundy decides was never a crime under his Constitution -- we'll admit he's a tad vague on that point. On the plus side, he wants to eliminate for-profit prisons, so that's nice.

But the very BEST part of Bundy's plan for prison reform is his completely Biblical plan for retribution, at least for two crimes:

In the Bible, there are many references to a justice system that forces an "eye-for-an-eye". This term is similar - yet applies forceful consequences - to "the golden rule". It's not difficult to implement and could prove to be a drastic improvement to the current - broken - system we have today [...]

Instead of paying for ineffective jail sentences, Ryan Bundy proposes to The People of Nevada a more efficient retribution process: "eye-for-an-eye". If you murder 10 people, you will be murdered 10 times before your freedom is returned to you (we can remove the final resuscitation if the prisoner so chooses). If you rape 3 people, you will be raped 3 times as forced by the Nevada Government and orchestrated by the victims (if they are still alive).

Isn't that great? And certainly consistent with the Constitution, because what he thinks is in the Bible overrules the Eighth Amendment (God's Law cannot, by definition, be "cruel"). Bundy doesn't go into any detail on who the victims would use to rape the rapists (possibly to death), but if victims wimp out on performing three revenge rapes themselves, we're sure The People would volunteer, or perhaps be assigned on a lottery system. Maybe it could even be mechanized, so no one would sin by carrying it out! Also, isn't that kind of him, to let offenders choose whether their final death sentence will be permanent, or they'll be resuscitated?

Not a bit of this sounds like it was invented by an imaginative amoral 12-year-old boy. And certainly not the clause that follows, in which Bundy explains all such sentences would become the greatest online sensation ever:

Punishment and rehabilitation into society will be live streamed, available for public consumption.

The ratings will be through the roof, you bet.

[Riley Snyder on Twitter / Nevada Public Radio / Ryan Bundy for Governor]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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