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New Bulletproof Blanket For The Kids Is Only 4/5ths As Terrible An Idea As It Sounds

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A couple of Oklahomans who dare to dream big have figured out a way toprotect children from school shootings and tornados, the perfect way to keep kids safe-ish, on the cheap-ish. Meet the Bodyguard Blanket from ProTecht, the brainchild of an Oklahoma podiatrist who knows that when it comes to Our Kids, half-measures are often just fine. If we can't do anything to reduce the number of guns in circulation or build storm shelters in schools in tornado country, maybe we'd feel better if every child has a 5/16-inch pad made from "Dyneema, a high-density plastic used for ballistic armor that is lighter than Kevlar." Problem solved! Or at least half-assed!


The Bodyguard Blanket has arm straps, so kids can wear it like a backpack -- probably not all day, just when there's a weather alert or a forecast of light to moderate semiautomatic arms fire.

And at only $1000 a pop, buying Bodyguard Blankets for all the kids in school would be a lot cheaper than building a real storm shelter, says the inventor; the blanket would protect from storm debris -- at least debris that has the good sense to fall straight down on a kid who doesn't let their hands or feet stick out -- and tests have also shown it protects against "12-gauge buckshot, a .22-caliber, and a 9 mm" and other common projectiles

Buzzfeed explains that in addition to protecting kids whose communities are too fucking cheap to build a proper storm shelter, the Bodyguard Blanket could be even more effective against school shootings:

In an interview with The Oklahoman, ProTecht’s managing partner Stan Schone said that a safe room is not effective when someone suddenly enters the school and starts shooting because children would be required to run down the hall to get to the room.

He said that the blankets can be stored in the classrooms and children “can lock the door and put these on in a matter of seconds.”

This is Your America in 2014, and God Bless Us, Every One.

[The Oklahoman via Buzzfeed]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

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"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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