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New Evil Children's Book Found On Internet, Rushed To Front Of Mockery Line

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Only a couple of years after publication of the definitive closet-gay child's escapist fantasy, Why Mommy Is a Democrat, some dingus has finally self-published the appropriate wartime response, Why Daddy Is A Republican. Because Daddy is John McCain? Oh, wrong children's propaganda book.


Humans play no role in this tale, because it is an allegory, like the Pixar films.

Why Daddy Is A Republican is an illustrated children’s book that follows a family of bald eagles as it explains the basic tenants of the Republican Party in terms that children and adults alike can understand and appreciate.

In the first chapter, the bald eagle Daddy teaches his male children to suck cock and then cuts them up with his talons for being gay, to Jesus. This teaches the eaglets the first "tenant" of the Republican Party: Duality.

This book touches on a few of the most important issues of our day including terrorism, abortion, welfare, taxes, and moral relativism.

Oh yes, those are also "tenants." The bald eagle Daddy teaches his children these lessons in an episode in which he refuses to give the slothful Black Hawk his, uh, field rat, for dinner.

Page Seven, the "original" of which can be yours for only $699.99.

The "tenant" here is that if you get an eagle-boner in the nest while Daddy and depressed Brother eagle are playing 101st Airborne-style war games, Daddy will look at you with consternation.

[Why Daddy Is A Republican]

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend, Ravelry.com's founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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