Due to everyone in Iraq wanting to kill him, the White House is demanding that the news networks stop saying where Dick Cheney is staying in Baghdad. We won't say it either, because we don't want to be the next dead animal on Cheney's lawn, but we will say that he's obviously at that one place where U.S. officials go when they go to Baghdad -- and we aren't talking about that market where Walnuts McCain caused so much death and destruction.

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Read the nervous memo floating around CNN, after the jump.

One way to not have everyone in Iraq trying to kill you would be, say, for example, not invading and occupying and destroying their country. And if you can't refrain from invading and occupying and destroying their country, it's probably best not to personally go there with a bunch of TV reporters who immediately broadcast news of your present location to the whole world -- including the people of Iraq, if the power is working at the moment.

Or, if you're the "vice" president, you can just ignore all that, let the news networks broadcast your visit, and later send them an e-mail asking them to stop.

Anyway, Cheney has apparently left the place we're not supposed to mention -- that one place that's the only reasonably safe place for U.S. officials in the whole country -- so we can apparently post this comical memo now. Or not. We've just read a whole bunch of allegedly fresh dispatches from the NYT, CNN, etc., and they've gone from unreporting that he's obviously at the [REDACTED] to unreporting any time element at all. CHENEY IS ALWAYS IN OR NOT IN IRAQ.

Okay, so we're going to REDACT the obvious parts of this memo for now, until at some point in the future when the element of time maybe returns, when we'll comically replace the redactions with that place where he obviously went to in Baghdad.

For security reasons, the vice pres's office is strongly requesting we no longer report that the vice president is at the [REDACTED] in Baghdad. Instead they are requesting all networks to just say "Baghdad"

They realize his location has already been reported, but are asking nonetheless that we discontinue reporting the exact location.

Specifically, the LIVE 11amET joint press avail (Cheney, Petraeus, and Crocker) poses a concern for the VP's office if we say that it is at the [REDACTED]. Therefore, we're being asked to simply locate as "Baghdad".

If anyone would like it LIVE, the [REDACTED] is shooting it and we will have the the coordinates shortly.

On 5/9/07 7:25 AM, [Redacted] wrote:

The White House is requesting that we limit our Cheney locator on screen and in copy to 'Bagdhad' while he is in the city. Do not say that he is at the [REDACTED] or in the [REDACTED].

Please make all shows and networks aware.

Thanks

Also notice that whoever at CNN can't spell "Baghdad" or "locater." Good thing you chose a career in TV!

Earlier:Cheney Stops by Baghdad Just to Make Threatening 'Throat-Slitting' Gesture to Maliki