Let's play wingnut grievance boner bingo with Tucker Carlson and Newt Gingrich! It's an easy game. You just say as many words as you can, as fast as you can, that fall under the category of "Things that make Tucker Carlson's geriatric white supremacist viewers shit their Depends."

Can Newt single-handedly get a bingo as fast as he can divorce a woman on her way in for a little light cancer surgery? GONNA FIND OUT.




NEWT GINGRICH: They don't want to protect your America.

He means your white supremacist America where white people's feelings always take precedence over whatever else is happening.

GINGRICH: They want to create an alternative America. It's an America of — of racial deep inequality and an anti-white, and by the way, anti-Asian basis.

In their America, whites will be BANNED, and Elaine Chao won't even get to say all her grifting off the public dime is necessary because "Asian culture"!

GINGRICH: It's an America in which transgender dominates Christianity and Judaism.

Next on "WWE Raw!"

GINGRICH: So, when you and I talk about why would they do this for Americans, because they really want a radically different country and they realize — they just proved with Dr. Seuss — they really despise America.

LOL they are going to be crying FOR YEARS about the thing the Dr. Seuss Foundation did — again, it was their decision. Not our decision. Not Joe Biden's decision. Not MSNBC's decision. Not Rachel Maddow's decision. Not Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's decision. Not the official Cancel Culture Compendium's decision — to kill off six racist books nobody reads anymore. You are going to get to make fun of them about this FOR YEARS.

And also the Potato Head thingie.

They are just like Braveheart, except for instead of doing "bravery," they bitch and moan and cry like snowflakes a lot, and instead of fighting for freedom they're praying to racist characters in Dr. Seuss's books while they've got their hands stuck up Mr. Potato Head's butthole compartment trying to make sure his junk is still there.

Otherwise, the same.

Anyway, Newt got wingnut grievance boner bingo. The rest of the clip isn't worth your time, It's just Newt Gingrich's ancient rotting testicles doing his "political analysis" and Tucker Carlson making his stupid face the whole time. Tucker didn't get wingnut grievance boner bingo this time. :(

Since we're here, why don't let's make fun of blathering assclown Megyn Kelly, who really seems to think she's still some kind of cultural influencer. She tweeted this earlier today:


Oh, the bullshit you will believe! Dr. Seuss might write that if he were alive to witness today's pretend controversy over six of his lesser racist books. Has The Cat In The Hat been deemed "inappropriate"? Nope, it wasn't one of the books in question. The Cat In The Hat doesn't have to come back, because it hasn't gone anywhere.

Also, we may have missed the news, but did the Dr. Seuss Foundation replace the six books in question with papyrus scrolls bearing the lyrics of "Wet Ass Pussy"? Are the children all reading them in school this week for Read Across America? Are their teachers being forced to wear shirts that say "Wet Ass P-Word"? (Liberals would do that.)

Also, aren't these two completely unrelated things, with one being about racism, whereas the Wet Ass P-Word is just a silly dirty song about doing the horizontal stinky pokey? Because you know what we heard? We heard they put a PARENTAL ADVISORY on the Wet Ass P-Word song, and that they won't even play the unedited song on the radio! It is some stupid "clean" version about "Wet And Gushy," which TBH is way grosser than the original song. Why won't MSNBC do 35-hours-a-day wall-to-wall coverage of THIS VERY REAL CANCEL CULTURE?

In summary and in conclusion, shut the fuck up, Megyn Kelly, shut the fuck up, Newt Gingrich, neither of you has ever said one thing that added value to the world in your entire sad pathetic racist garbage-ass lives, the end.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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