Nicolas Sarkozy Has Republican Values, Divorces His Wife

Conservative sensation Nicolas Sarkozy was recently elected as president of France thanks to his promises to be a total Republican by helping millionaires, hurting the poor people and hating on Muslims. So far, his presidency has been a great success. But his wingnut backers in America (who previously hated France more than anything in the world, except for Muslims) were heartbroken over his failure to get arrested cruising for gay sex in a public bathroom, or at least get divorced. Today, the world is rejoicing: Sarkozy just divorced his wife, while in office, making him the first French president to be a divorced guy and the first French president to get divorced while being president. Liberté, égalité, Giuliani!


Sarkozy would actually be considered a socialist if he ran for office in the United States, due to his support of socialized medicine and monthlong vacations and not being a big fatass redneck, but the American right was happy to support him, from afar, because somebody said he was conservative. (Sarkozy is just a little less socialist that his rival in this year's election, FMILF Ségolène Royal, who never even married her husband but broke up with him anyway just after the election.)

In France, the reaction to Sarkozy's victory was pretty much the reaction to anything that has ever happened in France: strikes and riots. First riots, now strikes. Right now, for instance, the entire country is once again crippled by strikes because it is ... um ... a day of the week. Yes, that's why.

Because pretty much everybody in France is both an employee of the government and a member of a powerful labor union, today's strikes have completely shut down the country, which happens all the time. Trains aren't running. Museums are closed. The power is out.

Protesters are now chanting to the former Mrs. Sarkozy: "Cécilia, we are like you! We are fed up with Nicolas!"

Frozen by strikes, France is transfixed by Sarkozy's split with wife [IHT]

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