Nightmarish Horror Visions A-Go-Go
Americans! Do you feel that your politics do not supply you with adequate amounts of disturbing images? Do this and this not satisfy you in this regard? Are you some sort of masochistic sicko? Well, your political cartoonists are working to satisfy you. After the jump, what our politicians would look like to someone who's just consumed some horrifying mixture of peyote and benzene.
Could it have been worse? At least McCain and the pachyderm-human hybrid are conservatively dressed in nice suits. If they had been wearing, say, studded leather fetish gear, the sexual relationship between the two would have been impossible to deny, probably costing McCain the nomination and America its collective sanity.
Nightmarish horror vision: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton give a speech to an unsuspecting union crowd. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, their faces morph into fur-covered animal visages and then back to human again.
Could it have been worse? As disturbing as the sight is, at least we're spared the terror in the eyes of their hapless audience. Presumably each member of the crowd watched transfixed as the seemingly human candidates suddenly revealed their true ursine nature. Too polite to scream and flee, they could only panic inwardly: Did everyone else just see what I saw? Is this really happening? What's preferable: that I may be slipping into madness, or that the universe contains Dr. Moreau-esque horrors who walk among us and run for Senate?
Nightmarish horror vision: Having accidentally hewed off part of his arm in some kind of industrial accident (perhaps while visiting a factory while pretending to care about factory workers?), George W. Bush tries a little home limb repair.
Could it have been worse? Well, you certainly have to admit that it could have been better. You might think that, in the course of desperately trying to reattach his own arm, the president would begin to think that there might be something to this whole socialized medicine thing. But since there are no doubt teams of advanced surgeons ready to craft cyber-limbs for the president at a moment's notice, we have to assume that he did it this way not because he couldn't afford proper care but because he was embarrassed to tell anyone that he cut his arm off, and was hoping he could fix it himself and nobody would know. At least he didn't use staples.
Could it have been worse? Lieberman is fully clothed. Let us at least give thanks for that.
Could it have been worse? The donkey is lying atop a conveniently placed block of ice, which will slow the body's putrefaction; for the moment, based on the absence of stink lines, the stench appears to have been kept at bay -- but how long can that last? Meanwhile, we are blessedly spared any indication of what Bill plans to do with the donkey corpse. Is he going to eat it? Is he going to fuck it? The mind boggles.
Could it have been worse? WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN ACTING LIKE A DOG MAKE IT STOP NO NO NO NO.