No, Caitlyn Jenner Is Not Going To Be California's Next Top Governor

California Gov Gavin Newsom, some chick, and your Editrix. Not pictured Caitlyn Jenner pfffft.

You know what I never do? I never make blanket statements predicting the future, because the last time I did so, during California's Gray Davis recall in 2003, I announced that the winner would be then state Senator Tom McClintock. (Mama loves a longshot.) Or maybe I announced Donald Trump would not win the Republican nomination, or the presidency, although I THINK I remember hedging it, by then having learned some sort of lesson about: The Future, it isn't here yet.

And I am telling you with every fiber of me, drawing on every bit of knowledge I have about humankind (not much) and California politics (some good amount!), Caitlyn Jenner, who announced she is running for governor in the race to recall Gov. Gavin Newsom, is not going to be the governor in the race to recall Gov. Gavin Newsom. Maybe next time! (Probably not next time.) (And certainly not this.)

Here, let's let Jenner announce:

Yes, Caitlyn Jenner has always been a compassionate disrupter, from the time she won all the Olympics in [checks Wikipedia] 1976 to the time she married somebody and was on her reality show about being rich and stuff to the time she advanced the movement for equality by explaining that her fellow trans women don't like her because she's white, she's successful, and she's "not a gutter whore." No really, direct quote in context and everything.

I'm just going to sit with that for a few minutes.

Okay I'm back!

Caitlyn Jenner has no constituency. Religious Right? Don't fucking think so. Except for Pat Robertson (who eons ago gave us our first Pat Robertson-related shock by explaining trans people aren't sinners, sometimes people just really are born in the wrong body) (but don't worry, he got weird again), they don't play that. Gay people? See that fat paragraph a couple lines up. Libs? No. Democrats? They're all voting for Gavin Newsom, all of them, every one. That leaves ... ??? PROFIT!

Here, have a chart I just stole from the PPIC:

Gavin Newsom recall March 2021

No matter how thirsty Politico is to make a Gavin Newsom recall happen — and Blanche? THEY ARE — "math" tells a different story. Polls, sure, may be problematic, as we've seen the past some always. But Politico can write "Californians have recall fever" 3,970 times if they want to, but Gray Davis was no dashing Gavin, and Caitlyn Jenner is no Arnold Schwarzenegger — who despite being Arnold Schwarzenegger, wasn't an idiot, did have charisma, and was actually an excellent businessman after his movie career. (His gubernatorial career was one where he actually "made deals," where have we heard someone lie-promise that before?)

And while, yes, a lot of Californians want the schools open ... guess what? They are! The schools are reopening — too early for my tastes, since the new coronavirus variants affect children more strongly and they can't get vaxxed yet, but they are!

Gavin Newsom's approval ratings, despite a year of lockdown that's hit Californians really hard, are, at about 53 percent, either "exactly" or "almost" as high as Joe Biden's, and Joe Biden's are, for our current "hyper polarized" moment, really fucking high.

So don't worry your heads about "I know a thing about California and it is that they like electing celebrities." She's not that much of a celebrity, Gavin's fuckin' hot and people understand he's doing the best he can (and for the moment again, it's working) with a global fucking pandemic, and there's not enough Q lunatics (yet) to fuck shit up in the (extreme Maria Shriver voice) Golden Dream By the Sea.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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