No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten.
Happy Memorial Day, gentle readers! We usually do the sexy, exciting Top Ten Stories Of The Week post on Sundays, but it is a holiday, which means it is still the weekend, hurray! Now, usually your top ten most favoritest stories cover a range of topics, but this week, SPOILER ALERT, it's Duggar-Thirty and you've got an appointment. By this point, you probably already know that Josh Duggar, adult son of Jim Bob and Michelle, has a history of kid-touching. But there were very many angles to that story, and yr Wonkette explored them all!
But before we count down the week's top ten Duggar stories, it's time for us to say "please to be giving us the moneys," because we work very hard to keep you informed and laughing, and it takes money to do that, because this is what we do for a JOB. So what do you say you give us $5, in honor of how gross the Duggar family really is? It's easy to do! Just click this link and say "here are five of my dollars, Wonkette should have them, because Wonkette tells me all the stories I need to know and I love them very much." Or you can give us money for a different reason, of your choosing, that's allowed.
All right, here are your top ten Duggar posts of the week, with a couple of other things sprinkled in:
1. Of course, your very favorite post of the week, because it was so detailed and YUCK, was the breaking news report about how yes, according the police report, Josh Duggar touched so many kids. If you have not read that, do it now.
2. But Mike Huckabee stepped up and said, hey c'mon, that Duggar boy just made a mistake. Kind of like how Huckabee's son did, when he murdered a dog.
3. Hey, remember all those times the Duggars told us how LGBT people are the REAL threat to kids?
4. Before the news about Josh Duggar even broke, there was OTHER breaking Duggar news, and it was that Jim Bob and Michelle are still fuckin', trying to convince the Lord to give them more babies.
5. So, in the wake of all the revelations, TLC pulled all scheduled episodes of 19 Kids And Counting, maybe because Honey Boo Boo's mom wanted equal molesting time.
6. Oh, look a non-Duggar story! This one is about Bristol Palin, and how her wedding got canceled. We knew it would be irresponsible of us not to make up reasons why.
7. Remember the day BEFORE the Josh Duggar police report came out, when it was all "oh maybe Josh Duggar might have done Bad Sex, but the news reports are very vague and we're not sure?" We were so innocent then.
8. Here is a handy guide on how NOT to counsel your daughters, if they have been molested by Josh Duggar.
9. Bill O'Reilly is very mad that now even court transcripts are lying and saying that he beated his ex-wife.
10. Yay, a nice story! Ruth Bader Ginsburg did ANOTHER gay wedding, and this time she was like "constitution THIS, constitution THAT, I now pronounce you gay married!" Was she foreshadowing what the Supreme Court is going to do, next month? MAYBE!
Very good, readers, picking that badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg Nice Time story at number 10! Otherwise, we are DUGGARED OUT. (Until they do more gross things. Like tomorrow.)
Oh, and you should sign up for the Wonkette newsletter, so that you can get a secret gay love note from your Wonkette every day! (Mostly.)
And if you haven’t put Elizabeth Warren on your tits or your morning coffee yet, remember that you can GO DO THAT in the Wonkette online swag emporium, where you will find t-shirts and coffee cups and stuff and all the other things! Editrix Rebecca would like to reassure everyone that, even though she has taken her maternity leave early, because she can, because CAPITALISM, she is still ready and willing to send you all of the things you decide to buy.
Again, your Wonkette loves you very much! If you missed your opportunity above, don’t even worry about doing hard stuff like scrolling up. You can just click THIS link and give us $5. Or you can give us more. We are not opposed to that!
Okay, now go have a nice Sunday, and if you run into Josh Duggar, politely suggest counseling.