Press Secretary Jen Psaki isn't briefing today. Perhaps she is taking a well-deserved day off! Today instead we will have a full briefing, at the White House, from Deputy Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is just a badass and we are so excited she's working in the White House.

Perhaps Psaki is taking a day off because she just feels like it would be cruel to spend any more days this week absolutely destroying Fox News's Peter Doocy right there on the TV where his Fox News daddy can see him. It's almost like she's instituted a policy, or perhaps just a personal vision board goal, that she will never let Doocy ever have anything to show Daddy that he's proud of. Something tells us, though, that it's not personal, but that he's just an idiot, and that's how she reacts to idiots.

Yesterday, Doocy was on this thing he's been on all week, trying to GOTCHA! the Biden administration into just coming out and fully embracing the rightwing narrative that 'GIIIIIIINA made the coronavirus in a lab. What's interesting is that there has been some reporting this week about some sick staff at the China's Wuhan Institute of Virology way back in November, and of course wingnuts are latching onto it, but absolutely nothing about their conspiracy theory has been proven true. Nothing. (Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, and if we also should have said "ridiculous theory is unproven" instead of "ridiculous theory is debunked," we hereby order us to apologize, a little. Oh look, Wonkette looked itself up, and Wonkette was journalistically PERFECT, AS PER USH.)

But it has been proven true in Peter Doocy's brain!

Since this is the Biden administration and not the RACIST BLAME 'GIIIIIIIINA moron dipshit administration, the Biden administration just isn't going to go off half-cocked. They want a full internationally accountable probe into what really happened. They want real answers. Indeed, we are more free to look for real answers to real questions now that there's a real president in the White House.

This is not good enough for Peter Doocy. So he tried for the 70th time this week to get Psaki caught in a wringer with one of his zingers!



DOOCY: Does President Biden think these theories we hear more about now, that COVID-19 may have been manmade and escaped from a lab in China, are a wacky conspiracy theory, or based on what he has heard and been briefed on does he think that's possible?

PSAKI: Well, we went through this journey together yesterday so let's do it again.

Whew. Just gonna do this as many times as it takes.

And she continued:

PSAKI: So, the president believes there needs to be an independent investigation, one that's run by the international community. It's an international pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of people around the world. He believes the Chinese need to do more to put forward data to be more transparent, and in the second phase of this effort, he's certainly hopeful that will be the case. And he believes that every theory should be explored through that process, but that we shouldn't jump to conclusions before that data and that information is made available.

All of that is just sensible, but we admit it's no 'GIIIIIIINA VIRUS or encouraging people to drink bleach. We guess for Doocy types, it's just not presidential unless it's racist and/or weapons-grade stupid.

And Psaki had gone through that journey with Doocy the day before. On Monday, he fucked precisely the same chicken:


DOOCY: With 589,920 dead Americans, at what point does President Biden say, we don't want to wait for the WHO? We don't know what they're doing. This needs to be an American-led effort to get to the bottom of what happened?

PSAKI: Well first of all, we need access to the underlying data and information in order to have that investigation.

DOOCY: Then why not, he talks all the time about how he's known President Xi for a long time. So why can't he just call?

PSAKI: I think you're misunderstanding how this process actually works.

That's right, weird little "My daddy took me to Take Your Weird Son To Work Day and I never left" boy, you're talking above your pay grade.

So she explained how this process actually works, for the umpteenth time. And in response, Doocy kept humping his bullshit Fox News framing, suggesting that with all these people dead from COVID, the Biden administration must just not care enough to try to get the answers on its own. As if somehow Fox News has been at the forefront of protecting its viewers from the COVID virus, instead of hosting quack doctors and saying maybe people who take hydroxybonercream are immune to COVID and telling people that vaccines KILL and saying mask mandates are "totalitarian" and that not many people have actually died of COVID and that Canada is interning COVID patients in concentration camps and that ...

Just watch the whole clip, we don't feel like transcribing it. She beat his ass.

Of course, Doocy fucked that chicken last week too, and Psaki had to deal with it then. He claimed, as if he was arguing from authority, that "House Republicans" have "significant circumstantial evidence that COVID-19 originated in a lab." He asked, "Has the White House seen any circumstantial evidence that it did not originate in a lab?"

Oh no! Peter Doocy's paste-eating congressional Republican friends have SIGNIFICANT CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE! Does the White House have any SIGNIFICANT CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE of its own? Is that how that works?

Psaki explained how that is not how that works:

PSAKI: Well I think first I would caution you against disproving a negative there, which is never the responsible approach in our view when it comes to getting to the bottom of the root causes of a pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of people in the United States.

Shorter version: Bless Peter Doocy's heart. Just literally every day.

Oh yeah, it's time for today's White House press briefing. Why don't we just put it here? Maybe Karine Jean-Pierre can show us how she beats up Peter Doocy!


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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