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Have you guys heard about this new line of parody tweets called Scott Walker, that tweets out really stupid shit that makes you laugh? What? No way, really?

So it turns out that this "Scott Walker" guy is real, and NOT AT ALL a piece of wickedly ironic performance art, and also that he used to be the governor of a fairly large US state. (I know, I know, I thought the beady little henchmen eyes were a dead giveaway too.) Let us now take a look at what this actual real, non-lizard based "person" is publishing on Jack's Internet Emporium of Random Thoughts and Incel Nazi Collective. (Twitter, I mean Twitter.)

You know what, Scott Walker, self-professed human being? Those empty shelves look awfully fucking familiar. In fact, they look suspiciously like the very empty shelves of many food pantries in the good old U S of mutherfuckin' A, grand poo-bah of all the capitalist countries. Maybe that's because they are, in fact, empty shelves in a food pantry, in a capitalist country.


You see, Scott Walker, I happen to volunteer a lot of time as a team leader at my local food pantry. And every time I'm working there, you know what happens? All these people show up, Scott Walker, and they need food, Scott Walker. Some of them are very poor, some of them have medical issues. Many of them have addiction issues, almost all of them have kids, and a very few are clearly gaming the system. You know what we do, Scott Walker? WE FEED THEM, Scott Walker, because that's what we do. We load them up with all of the food we can.

And sometimes, Scott Walker, we run out. Just last month, our shelves looked as empty as the ones in the picture. Because that's how it goes when you depend on the whims of good fortune and the free market to fill them. The good people of our small town donate what they can, but, like most food pantries, most of what is donated to us, and that we pass on to our clients, is food that has been deemed unsellable by the market. Too close to stale/spoiled, too ugly, too old, too damaged for the open market. But be sure, Scott Walker, that when our shelves run empty, it is a sign of the failings of the capitalist system. Your philanthropists, your churches, your civic organizations, they aren't enough.

The USDA gives us TEFAP, The Emergency Food Assistance Program, and then tells us exactly how we can give away the cans of vegetables, soup, peanut butter, etc. They tell us, for example, that we are not allowed to mix TEFAP food with other food we acquire. They tell us that we can give one can beans, one can of veggies, and one can of soup to a single person, but that a family of five can have TWO(!) of each of those things. Their stated goal is that we provide a 2-3 day supply of food. They also tell us that we can only distribute food to any given household once per month.

I'll let that sink in.

Three days of food per month.

You can bet, Scott Walker, that somebody almost exactly like you made sure that provision got in there, wouldn't want people to grow dependent. On food.

Thank god that our intrepid capitalist consumers are too fucking tender to buy bananas with spots, because that means that I can give them to the nice old lady whose husband sold the house and left her penniless when she was diagnosed with MS at 65. Thank god the department manager ordered too much meat last week, I can give the families with 4 kids enough to make an actual meal. Because we can give that shit away however we choose, and we choose to give it all to whomever needs it, without weird fucking rules about how many ribs have to be visible before you're worthy.

tl;dr; Scott Walker is probably not a giant penis wearing a wig and mask, but he can still fuck straight off.

Also, donate to your local food bank, this is a tough time of year for struggling families.

Also, Ted Cruz tweeted about this as well, and also, too, so did a bunch of the usual fucks.


Fuck them all with a stale, slightly moldy baguette.

Oh right, yes, sorry, this was your OPEN THREAD.

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