Nobody Wanted To Play 'Truth Or Covid' With Mike Pompeo At His Big Sexxxclusive XXXmas Party :(
Sad news for Mike Pompeo, everyone, by which we mean good news for public health! (Evergreen statement.)
Mike Pompeo was going to have a Christmas party at the State Department, and he invited 900 of his closest friends and people who are currently paid to pretend they are his friends. And nobody came. Seventy people said they were coming, like they would totally be there at some point, at least make an appearance. They were not coming, they were sitting on their couches texting "OMW" and they were still watching "SVU." You know exactly what we are talking about.
How many showed up, according to the Washington Post? "Only a fraction."
This would be good news just in general, for public health and otherwise, even if we were not in the middle of worldwide pandemic that's pretty much worst in the United States, that's currently causing the equivalent of a 9/11-level event every day, because of the absent, negligently murderous leadership we unfortunately have until Jan. 20. We are just glad to see that upwards of 830 people on that invite list were not absolute idiots. (Note to any invitees who were secretly glad for a minute that there was a worldwide pandemic because it got you out of this godawful shit: We see you. We get you.)
They were of course told multiple times, by public health officials and senators and the big diplomats' union, that this was a bad idea. But Mike Pompeo's State Department was like nah it's fine, we'll do masks, everybody relax.
The guest list did not think it is was fine. Nobody wanted to play "Truth Or Covid" with Mike Pompeo. Nobody wanted to play spin the bottle with Trump's dumbest political appointees, and also some Covid. Nobody wanted to play "Seven Minutes In Heaven" in the closet under a fat sprig of mistletoe with Mike Pompeo, and probably also some Covid.
Nobody wanted to bob for Covid. :(
The Post reports that Pompeo was totally going to make a speech but then he canceled and made some other unlucky person do it. The Post also reports that the holiday party was "dedicated to the family members of diplomats serving overseas in dangerous postings that require them to leave their spouses and children behind, such as in Iraq or Afghanistan," which is just about the tackiest fuckin' thing we have ever heard of. "We'd like to honor your family's sacrifices, with a superspreader event! Who in the Trump administration tested positive for Covid today? Look under your chair and find out! Some of you will get a SPECIAL surprise in, oh, 14 days or so!" But then again, consider all the people in the Trump administration. They don't know anything besides "tacky."
The event featured drinks, boxed meals and a masked Santa who walked around from table to table to chitchat with adults and children, according to the two officials and photographs taken during the event obtained by The Washington Post.
Of course, the Post says masks were supposed to be required, but folks sent them pictures of people with masks off, because obviously.
In normal times, this would be a feel-good blog post about how Mike Pompeo is a Loser-Loser-No-Friends, like the famous Wonkette article "Nobody Wanted To Touch Mike Pompeo Or His Stinky Meat Hands." Today it's that, and also a public health disaster averted. Hooray!
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