Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism

• Hooray, we have defeated racism once again! It seems like it was just days ago that Mississippi state Rep. Gene Alday (R-Even Though Democrats Are The REAL Racists) was still trying to justify his charming reflections on coming "from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call 'welfare crazy checks.'" Oh right! That's because it was on Monday, of this very same week, that he said those comments were supposed to be "off the record." Plus, the reporter who'd cornered him into saying that stuff had called him "late at night," and everyone knows how easily racism rolls right off the tongue after sundown. Not that it was racism, mind you, because as Alday was insisting up until a second ago, "I didn’t do anything wrong. The guy made me look like a fool." So, per the standard procedure of Racist Dude Says Racist Thing, after "out of context" and "I'm not sorry cuz I didn't do nothin' wrong," we have the sincere and very credible apology:  

  "I didn't do it with intent, but I am deeply sorry for my recent statements and I was wrong to say what I did and there is no excuse for my behavior," Alday said. "I value the relationships I've made with everyone in this House."

  Alday delivered the apology he didn't even owe from the floor of the House, after which all of his colleagues applauded, because clearly he has learned his lesson will never think a racist thing again -- or at least, he will never say a racist thing on the phone to a reporter late at night. Now the circle of out-of-context racial transcendence is complete. Until next time!

• While we wouldalmostnever condone drunk driving, in this one-time-only instance, it seems fully justified:  

  Withrow sustained a gaping wound to his hand while using a chainsaw at his residence in February last year.

  He phoned two emergency departments, but was told that they were very busy and would not be able to treat him for more than 10 hours.

  Withrow then used a large sewing needle and some fishing line to sew up the wound and washed it with gin to prevent infection. He also drank gin to help with the pain.

  He later decided to drive to the hospital for treatment after not being able to contact his wife. He said he could not afford an ambulance.

  He was pulled over by police after failing to stop at a sign, and charged with several driving offences as well as being issued an immediate licence disqualification.

• Really enjoying theNew York Timeseditorial board when it's angry:  

  On immigration, the Republicans seem to want only to savage the president’s efforts to address a pressing nationwide crisis, just as they have on health care reform. They are good at unleashing rage against Mr. Obama’s supposed lawlessness, but they have no meaningful solutions of their own.

• Here is some more evidence that millennials are THE WORST: At least one of them, who knows who to make a website, has created a PAC for Jeb Bush. And yes, they are as dumb and THE WORST as you'd expect:

  In 2010, we witnessed the rise of the tea party which subsequently led to a more conservative platform in the Republican Party. Since Barack Obama became President and the tea party arose in response, our Nation has been plagued by hyper-partisanship. This helps explain why only half of Millennials affiliate themselves with either political party. Tired of the dysfunction and poor leadership in Washington, Millennials have the potential of acting as a catalyst for ending the hyper-partisan political culture. When we come together and get Jeb elected, we will send a message to the Country that we demand bipartisanship and effective governance.

• Check out the super special supermoon tonight if you can:

  During this time, the moon is at the closest to the Earth than at any other time making it appear 14 percent bigger and 30 percent brighter than other full moons.

  Scientists call this phenomenon a “perigee moon.” The moon is usually about 238,000 miles from our planet, but because of the elliptical shape of the moon’s orbit, the distance varies throughout the year. At perigee, the moon is about 12,000 miles closer to the Earth.

  The moon’s phase and date of its approach to its perigee is not synced, but sometimes it’s possible for a full moon to occur at the same time. This is what’s known as a supermoon.

  You won’t be able to see Wednesday’s unique supermoon due to the sun’s glaring rays concealing it during day hours. But with minimal light pollution from the moon, it’ll be a prime time to dig out those astronomical binoculars and go searching for faint objects in the galaxy.

• Looking for the latest bewb tube shenanigans and snarky recaps of your favorite teevee shows? Go show some love to our gone-but-not-forgotten kid sister Happy Nice Time People. And be sure to follow Happy Nice Time People on Twitter.