Noted Economist Chuck Norris Explains Obama's 'Schemes' To Double Gas Prices


LISTEN UP PANSIES! WingNutDaily star columnist and ultimate macho Chuck Norris would like you to know a few things!

President Barack Obama’s energy plan involves radically increasing gas prices to the European rate of $9-10 a gallon. And he’s well on his way by more than doubling prices at the pump since entering office in January 2009, when gasoline was only $1.79 per gallon. Here’s how he schemes to double prices again in his second term, with you footing the bill.

It is interesting that GOP stalwarts like Norris seem to think it is the president who controls oil prices, and do not seem to think that, say, the oil companies have anything to do with them, isn't it? But you know, lalalawhatever.

How else has the government been plotting and conspiring and cabaling to make you bend over and take it? By acknowledging reality, that's how! Here is Chuck Norris on Secretary of Energy Steven Chu nefariously explaining uncontroversial (?) facts in 2011. Chuck Norris will karate-chop your "facts," Steven Chu!

In February 2011, Secretary Chu again embraced the strategy to raise gas prices in order to increase green alternatives to Chris Wallace, host of Fox News Sunday, when he said, “The price of gasoline over the long haul should be expected to go up just because of supply and demand issues. And so we see this in the buying habits of Americans as they make choices for the next car they buy.”

It is nice to know that Chuck Norris is not one of those lazy pundits who do not keep up with the news. Nope, Chuck had all his browsers open last week, catching both the hysterical talking point about Chu not owning a car!!!1!1 and the Daily Caller's total undermining of Steven Chu's not owning a car, and combining them for one great big pile of Real American Primal Scream:

Speaking of misleading, this past week Energy Secretary Chu was at it again as he testified before the House Subcommittee on Energy and Power. Dodging its question about whether he practiced what he preached by owning a Chevy Volt electric car, Chu replied sheepishly, “No, I don’t own a car at the moment.” (Before you commend him for his bio-walking, it should be noted that he’s chauffeured in U.S. government Cadillac Escalades, which of course run off of fossil fuel like his wife’s BMW.)

Sums up Chuck Norris: "If you are ready for real change, if you want to stabilize our economy, increase jobs, lower gas prices and restore our republic simultaneously, then shout it out to Washington and the nation: 'Get off your gas, drill and vote Newt Gingrich!'”

Sure, Chuck Norris. Will do.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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