Dear Wonkville Forums:

I never thought it would happen to me!

Hey what's that new thing over to the right? The thing that looks like the picture in this post. Oh, you don't see it in the right sidebar? It's right above the box where you can buy anything you like on Amazon, and Mama gets her cut. Try refreshing. Try refreshing again. You know what, just open a new browser. There! That is Wonkville, and it is where you will spend the rest of your natural life, mining stories in the story mine.

It is pretty fancy over there. You can post stories or you can upfist stories. Double-super Wonket operative "chascates," when he isn't farming begonias, usually sends your Wonket an average of 2,742 story tips per day, so we have made him the Company Man, and also he can delete your stories if you try to post any FourChan pron or bullshit spam. (We actually had to lobby to get a delete button added in for the mods. Is that not adorable?)

Anyway we hope you like it. We got it just for you, and for Chascates. If you ever miss your Wonket, just click your heels three times and then press where it says home.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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