How Sad! NRA Dudes Think There Is A World Where AOC Would Date Them.
On Friday, Grant Stinchfield of NRAtv and literally nothing else, got all huffy about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her completely reasonable economic plan to tax earnings over $10 million at 70%, just like we did before the 1980s, when everything went to shit. She wants to stick it to rich people, who are great! and also she probably wants to take Grant Stichfields guns away!
Joining him in his bullshit was Jesse Kelly, of noted bad takes factory The Federalist, whose main contribution to the conversation was that he thought AOC was pretty hot and suggested that he totally wanted her to manic pixie dream girl his ugly Republican ass.
GRANT STINCHFIELD (HOST): So [Rep.] Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's [D-NY] math doesn't work up. She wants to stick it to rich people. But the truth is, she wants to stick it to all Americans because even if you go back to guns, she would like to do away with the Second Amendment and have all our guns confiscated. This is the kind of Looney Tune-world that she lives in. Unbelievable. Joining me now is Marine Corps combat veteran Jesse Kelly. Jesse, welcome to the program.
JESSE KELLY (THE FEDERALIST): She's kind of cute though, Grant.
STINCHFIELD: Well throw that picture back up. You're telling me, you're telling me that that is cute? I know you have a thing for [Sen.] Kamala Harris [D-CA], too.
KELLY: There is nothing wrong with a little bit of crazy, man. A little bit of crazy can be fun.I'm not talking about marrying her, I'm just talking about a date or two, she looks kind of cute.
STINCHFIELD: Could you imagine that look when she's mad at you because you didn't take out the trash? That's what you're going to get.
KELLY: You'd really have to do everything you could to lose your hearing, that's for sure.
STINCHFIELD: I will agree with you, there is nothing wrong with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's looks. There's not. She may get a crazy face when she starts talking about taxes, that I see.
So -- first of all! The plan AOC is touting is not even sort of radical, unless you consider Eisenhower a total commie. He taxed the richest people in the country up to 91%, and it was even higher before then. You see! Back in those days, people thought that letting income inequality get out of hand was a bad thing for everyone, which it is. It is even good for rich people, because the more poor and miserable people are, the better revolution sounds. That's pretty much why the New Deal happened in the first place.
The only reason anyone got away with taxing the rich so lightly and screwing over the poor so badly was because, after the civil rights era, poor racist white people were willing to put up with anything so long as it hurt black people more.
Second of all! There is no world in which Jesse Kelly has a chance to go on "one or two dates" with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Not even if she was having a super shitty day of some kind. Right-wing men are always fantasizing out loud about sexing it up with super hot and smart liberal women, probably secretly hoping to be whisked away for a wild night of the kind of hedonistic pleasures they've never dreamed of in their sad, bland, lie-back-and-think-of-England existences, but that is just... not happening. Because we have standards. And also way hotter (and less obviously sexually repressed) dudes than Grant Stinchfield and Jesse Kelly. Shudder.
If conservative dudes were even kind of a good time in bed they wouldn't be erupting into a full on panic every time someone brings up consent. Nothing says "I have never given any woman an orgasm" like perpetually whining that having to be sure someone actually wants to have sex totally ruins the moment for you. So they should definitely just stick to their myriad sad Trump dating sites and just bone down with each other. Not that I want to think about that.
Third of all. We must start examining why so many men are constantly living in fear of a woman asking them to take the garbage out, and seeing "Take the garbage out!" in every face of every woman they see doing anything, ever. It's weird, ok. And there's an easy solution. Just take the freaking garbage out! Seriously. If someone is literally screaming at you to take the garbage out, if you have driven them that freaking crazy, then maybe the problem is more you than them. What? Is that your one chore that you have? And you can't manage it? And because of this you are constantly seeing the spectre of women yelling at you to take out the trash everywhere you go?
That is no way to live, my dude.
A man who is deserving of a date with AOC, or any awesome woman, frankly, is a man who would just take the damn trash out like normal.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse