NRA TV Has New Message Of Puppies And Rainbows And Not Killing The Media At All! Wait, Scratch That
NRA TV shouter Grant Stinchfield offered some very deep thoughts on journamalism and the presidential pardon power yesterday, explaining that nothing's dumber than a bunch of TV reporters shouting questions to Donald Trump about whether he'll pardon some nobody campaign manager he hardly even met. It's a stupid question, you see, because if anyone's in need of a presidential pardon, it's the entire mainstream media, every single member of which has committed treason and you all know what the penalty for treason is, right? Happily, Stinchfield stops short of suggesting NRA members carry out that sentence themselves, so this is what counts as responsible commentary from the NRA.
Here, via Media Matters, is Stinchfield hanging a rant on a completely banal news clip of reporters yelling questions at Donald Trump as part of their insidious traitor plot to destroy him and thus destroy America:
You hear them yelling who is he going to pardon. They want him destroyed. They want his administration and, in turn, America to fail just so they can say, "We told you so," and elect a left-wing Democrat into office.
Yr Wonkette has to admit we never really considered the America-destroying potential of questions like "Are you going to pardon Paul Manafort?" or "Dude, what's with not lowering the flag for McCain?" That's probably why we're writing for this little mommyblog instead of making the big bucks explaining cause and effect for the gun lobby. Also, too, we're a little unclear on how the media plans to elect Democrats following the complete failure of America, but then, maybe we actually have the secret plan and are just withholding it from you sheeple while we mislead you into hating our nation, which has been Made Great.
Fortunately, Stinkified knows exactly what Donald Trump should do next time the un-American media asks him anything, especially about pardons:
Here's how the president should answer those questions about who he will pardon. He should just yell back, "You should be asking for a pardon." Reporters, editors, producers, anyone associated with the mainstream media should be asking for a pardon.
They are the ones who have abused and even weaponized the First Amendment. When they try to actively destroy a country, to me that's treasonous. But that is where the media is today.
That's a pretty nice bit of bullshit there. Obviously, we love the First Amendment. But not when it's weaponized -- that's treason, because it turns out the nation is actually such a fragile thing that nosy reporters can actually destroy it, with words.
Ah, but the joke is on the journalists, because NO WAY would Trump ever pardon those scum for their criming in asking him who he might pardon, and also reporting bad things that aren't specified but which are all treasonous lies from traitors:
The reason they don't ask for a pardon is because they know they won't get it. For a few reasons. One, they're guilty. They are enemies of the people because they're trying to tear this nation up. Two, they show no signs of remorse, there's no attempt to make up for any of their devious ways. And three, they know the president wouldn't pardon the mainstream media. Not because he despises them, but because the American people who elected him wouldn't stand for it.
This is all obviously true, because when have you seen a reporter ask for a pardon? Never! Which proves they are guilty, and guilty people do not deserve a pardon, because only innocent people like Dinesh D'Souza and Joe Arpaio get pardons. The mere fact that the media haven't asked for a pardon simply proves how devious and remorseless they are!
And if Donald Trump did pardon the media, the American people would never stand for it. They would take their right to bear arms and shoot the reporters anyway for all the treason! Not that AstringentFleas here is suggesting anything like that, because liberals are the violent ones -- just look at the reporters violently asking questions to destroy an entire country and then showing no remorse!
Strychnine builds up to his grand conclusion by suggesting the media mend their ways and beg for forgiveness, which they don't deserve and won't get:
Finally, the mainstream media is being exposed as an un-American counterforce to everything that this country stands for. Maybe the media needs to ask for a pardon not from President Trump, but from the American people.
We bet they haven't even stopped beating their wife yet, too. But be of good cheer, media! There is still hope that you may earn forgiveness through the Maoist practice of self-criticism and adopting Right Thinking!
We can't forgive until they change their ways, and that simply means being honest -- something very very few in the media know how to be.
And once they truly demonstrate they have repented and love Big Brother, the healing can begin. With a bullet to the back of the head, charged to the reporter's family.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.