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NRA's Secret Graphic Novel Revealed!

Guns
Terror Lobster, Dynamite Owl, and Hairy Eco-Terror Lady are on the march!

Evil has a new name ... well, same old name, actually. Hillary. It's still Hillary


Pro-gun Democrats did better in the midterms than probably any other class of politician, but the National Rifle Association is not in the business of reflecting moderate political reality. The NRA lives off memberships, and the standard card-carrying member has two enemies: Democrats and ... deer, most likely.

But even loyalists go soft, as the GOP learned last month, and you need some Grade A propaganda to get people riled up again. Let no one accuse the NRA of shirking its duty. Freedom In Peril: Guarding the 2nd Amendment in the 21st Century is a spectacularly beautiful graphic novel. Here, for example, is one of the biggest threats to the white suburban hunter: dirty hippies and their evil sidekicks: the dynamite-carrying owl, sinister pig, angry Wall Street bull, dire wolf, terror chicken and Land Lobster:

A secret very public cabal is behind the plans to stop testing Cialis on kittens, take away the Bill of Rights, make the UN actually have influence in the world, and turn over our children to illegal-alien Negro gangs. The leader of this cabal, obviously, is an incredibly scary wart-encrusted Jew who has all the Money:

Yes, this is George Soros. He admits that he made his Jew Billions using the American capitalist system, but now he's using some of that money to support political candidates! Typical Jew!

But even an all-powerful Jew with all the money needs an inner circle of lesbians, teevee personalities and other obese entertainers (and two Negroes) to strip the freedoms from freedom-loving Americans:

Check out Jim Carrey in the center-bottom square!

The R. Crumb-esque hippie girl is great, and the celebrity caricatures are hilarious, but the anonymous (and outrageously talented) artists behind this work of breathtaking paranoia really shine when they get to the Scenes of Disaster:

When a disaster hits white people like yourself, you'll need plenty of guns to shoot the mobs of minorities.

Say, speaking of minorities, shouldn't we especially be worried about the Illegal Alien Gangs who also work with Soros and Katie Couric to take away our precious 2nd Amendment freedoms? Yes, yes we should:

Scary Fact: Most Negroes are, in truth, illegal aliens who work with the Super Asian-Mexican-Black Gang, known as the 18th Street Loco Al Qaeda Kommu-Nizzle Boyz.

But what will these Illegal Aliens do to our white policemen? You can bet it involves a dirty gang bandanna pulled right off their dirty jerry-curled heads:

'For God's sake, I hope white citizens have enough guns to kill the minorities who did this to me!'

But what's the real danger? Fear-mongering, that's what! Because The Media's trying to scare you! Shame on them!

Why is a Japanese Oni delivering the news? Is Maddow on vacation again?

The booklet's "Epilogue" -- "The Hour Is At Hand" -- is thoroughly perplexing. Why is the American Family so calm about the approaching tsunami? Shouldn't they at least head for the second floor? Maybe they can shoot the tsunami?

["Freedom In Peril: Guarding the 2nd Amendment in the 21st Century" NRA (.pdf file download)]

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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