Nutritionist Tucker Carlson: We Should Do Something About All These Disgusting Fat Poors
Tucker Carlson, who plays a human being on Fox's Outnumbered, explained the connection between obesity and poverty Wednesday, pointing out that poor people are only fat because the government keeps giving them food, and that there's no such thing as a fat rich person. Who is this man who is so wise in the ways of science? Perhaps he can explain how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
"Outnumbered" cohost Harris Faulkner mentioned recent studies that suggest that being unemployed is a risk factor for weight gain, and suggested that the slow economic recovery would be "embarrassing for this White House," since Michelle Obama is pushing the "Let's move" campaign to promote healthy eating, but Barack is making people fat because he isn't making enough jobs, haw haw: "Well, where is the president on the ‘Let’s Move with Jobs’ campaign?”
Carlson agreed, then explained that the really impressive thing about modern American poverty is that it's actually turning our lazy poors into big old fatties:
“All of us should be happy about one thing, and it’s that for the first time in human history you have a country whose poor people are fat. So this does show this sort of amazing abundance,” he opined.
“What?” Faulkner gasped.
“For the last however many millennia, poor people starved to death,” Carlson explained. “And this is a country that’s so rich, whose agriculture sector is so vibrant and at the cutting edge technologically, that our food is so cheap, poor people are fat! I mean, I don’t know. We shouldn’t take that for granted.”
Faulkner tried pointing out that the real problem is that "The cheaper foods tend to have the more fattening and artificial ingredients,” but Carlson was so taken with his cleverness that he couldn't be bothered with her stupid "nutrition" stuff. If people are fat, it has to be because they're chowing down on welfare crab legs, not because ramen costs 18 cents a packet:
I just saying, up until about 20 minutes ago -- historically speaking -- people just wanted enough calories. And we’ve certainly achieved that.”
Never mind that people can actually be both overweight and malnourished because of all the crap in processed foods -- just look at those peasants, as fat as King Henry VIII! Something should be done about that, like cutting food stamps maybe.
Still, Carlson allowed that there might be some matters of culture at play, like how poor people are disgusting pigs and rich people take care of themselves for chrissakes:
Go to a rich neighborhood, there’s not a single fat person on the street ... No one smokes cigarettes, no one’s overweight. The middle of the country looks nothing like the edges. And that is a problem, I think.
For crying out loud, why don't poor people just go the gym and get in shape? If they really cared about their health, they'd get a personal trainer.
And it wasn't always like this. Heck, Tucker Carlson probably remembers from reading A Christmas Carol that the people who got sent to the workhouse even had access to cardio training on a fancy treadmill, those lucky duckies.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.