Donate

Forget your dragon porn. The real action was in Indianapolis at the annual Gunhumpers and Notracistbutters Jamboree. Trouble's been brewing in Ammoland, with the NRA suing its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen to get an accounting of how exactly AMc is spending $40 million a year, most particularly how much it pays NRA President Oliver North.

The bulletheads managed to keep their company manners on through Friday for Donald Trump's dementiasplainer and Mike Pence's dystopian fantasies about the Green New Deal coming to steal your guns.

But after dark, it turned into an episode of HeeHaw on moonshine. Friday night, news broke that North had tried to force out the organization's longtime CEO Wayne LaPierre. According to a letter from LaPierre published in the Wall Street Journal, North called up NRA headquarters and said Wayne needed to resign and pull the lawsuit, or else AMc was going to "smear" him with stories of financial impropriety and sexual harassment allegations against a member of his staff. It was DELICIOUS, and we came in on Saturday to write it for you. So read it, why dontcha!


Essentially, the NRA has finally grokked that the IRS and New York financial regulators are not fucking kidding around. When they say you have to disclose all your related party transactions -- that is, members of your board who are getting NRAbux through a vendor or other side deal -- they actually mean it. Which puts the NRA in a pickle, since there are A LOT of board members and their relatives selling their services to the NRA or getting paid by AMc. But when the NRA asked AMc to fess up to all the related parties on their books, all they got was two middle fingers. Which you cannot put on your tax return -- no, not even if you are Donald Trump's biggest fan. So then Ollie "Contra Scam" North tried to stage a palace putsch against Prince LaPierre. PEW PEW!

Please treat yo'self to the best Twitter thread EVER as NPR's Tim Mak narrated the meeting Saturday.

Put that shit right in our veins, baby! North resigned, warning of a crisis of leadership that threatened the NRA's tax-exempt non-profit status. Which supplied Twitter with many larfs about the NRA being too corrupt and dirty for Oliver North LOL! -- except the nexus of the fuckery seems to be North's employer AMc, authors of that arguably extortionate Dear Wayne letter. So when Ollie is warning about scary related party transactions coming to devour your non-profit status, the call is coming from inside the house.

But back to the NRA Funtimes party! Here, have a video of NRA Vice President Richard Childress modeling the Just For Men Strom Thurmond Collection as he read North's letter to the assembled gun goons.

Then there was a motion to oust LaPierre, which OG Marion Hammer (you can thank her for all those stand your ground laws in Florida) managed to get deferred to a discussion at the NRA board meeting on Monday. Oh, hey, that's today!

But wait, there's more! Because on Sunday the New York Times broke the news that the New York Attorney General has launched an investigation of the NRA's finances and subpoenaed some of its vendors. Gosh, wonder who that could be?

NPR reports:

"The Office of New York State Attorney General Letitia James has launched an investigation related to the National Rifle Association (NRA)," a spokesperson for the attorney general told NPR. "As part of this investigation, the Attorney General has issued subpoenas. We will not have further comment at this time."

The NRA has received a document preservation notice in connection with the investigation being undertaken by the New York attorney general, according to a source familiar with the matter.

The NRA responded to the announcement of the investigation by pledging its cooperation.

"The NRA will fully cooperate with any inquiry into its finances," said William A. Brewer III, an outside lawyer for the NRA. "The NRA is prepared for this, and has full confidence in its accounting practices and commitment to good governance."

Hahaha, wouldn't it be hilarious if William Brewer's brother-in-law and father-in-law worked at Ackerman McQueen? Wouldn't it be just the best metaphor for two corrupt organizations hopelessly entangled in their own web of grift and self-dealing? Oh, wait, they do.

But perhaps you are wondering if the NRA can just magic this problem away by relocating to Wingnutistan where the local AG won't bother with those annoying financial disclosures. Luckily Tim Mak is a one-stop-shop for all your NRA Schadenfreude needs.

First of all, doing one dollar of business in New York -- or having one donor who is a resident of the state -- subjects the NRA to New York jurisdiction. Second of all, you can't escape New York because that's where we keep all the banks and insurance companies. Third of all, nice try, gunhumpers, Ms. James will see you in court.

What happens when the NRA meets today is anyone's guess. Any rational organization would give Ol' Wayne the boot, since he's the one who signed off on board members making all those side deals with the "charity" and then forgot to disclose 'em to the IRS and the state of New York. But this is not a rational organization. It's a coven of Deathstick Merchants who hoovered up cash from the rubes for decades and may not want to go cold turkey, even with Letitia James banging down the door. Should be a battle for the ages in that boardroom.

media0.giphy.com

BRING IT!

[NYT / NPR / WSJ]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to keep your Wonkette in servers and payroll and popcorn! You know you wanna!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

$
Donate with CC
Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc