O GOD MAKE IT STOP! Your Daily Round Up Of Crazy White House Shit!

THIS WEEK! HOLY SHIT! We're ever so grateful for the Flynn indictment on Friday. But Lordy, how can there be so many newses? So, here is your Sunday morning Trump-Flynn-Russia-Collusion-Gate round up, because if we wait more than 36 hours, we'll be writing posts that are one millionty words long. Please refer back to our excellent posts on Friday for background on Michael Flynn and his sexxxy Russian funtimes plea deal.

Ready??? GOOD. Let's dive right into this rancid bowl of week-old borscht!

December 2016: Russia, WHO?

On December 29, the Obama administration expelled 35 Russian operatives from the US and imposed sanctions on 4 high-ranking Russian officials in response to Russian hacking of the 2016 election. Which seemed perfectly reasonable, except in Trumpland where everyone was sure it was just a ploy by the Kenyan Muslim to delegitimize Trump's amazing electoral loss victory.

Yesterday, the New York Times published excerpts from an email sent by Flynn's deputy K.T. McFarland to Trump advisor Tom Bossert and forwarded to Reince Priebus, Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, and Flynn himself.

Yeah, we know she said, "trump will have difficulty improving relations with Russia which has just thrown the election to him." Which does sound like an admission of collusion, except that K.T. McFarland is complete moron. She was Flynn's flunky, and McMaster booted her out of the White House in April as soon as he wrested control of the NSC back from Steve Bannon. Trumpland pinky swears that McFarland meant, "We can't undo sanctions without looking like we're favoring Russia while all those loony Demoncrat libs are fantasizing that Russia threw the election for us when everyone knows Hillary is the REAL Russia!" And just this once, we kind of believe them! K.T. McFarland is barely competent to microwave popcorn, much less collude to throw the election.

More importantly, though, the email reflects the Trump team's inability to see foreign policy as anything but an extension of the battle between Trump and Obama/Hillary. Obama was lying about Russian interference, UNLESS he was telling the truth and just trying to get Trump to trip up and say something stupid. Donny was all ready to take Vlad furniture shopping, but he'd never GET THERE if Obama cockblocked him by getting into an escalating sanctions war. UNFAIR!

Luckily, Trump had Mike Flynn, world's greatest wingman, to whisper sweet nothings in Russian Spy/Ambassador Sergei Kislyak's ear until he dropped the idea of retaliating altogether. According to the indictment, Flynn spoke repeatedly to members of the Presidential Transition Team at Mar-a-Lago on December 29 about his plan to negotiate with Putin's representative. After the Russians agreed not to enact retaliatory sanctions, Trump tweeted his thanks directly on the 30th.


The president's most excellent lawyer, Ty "This Is Fine" Cobb, admits that they sent Flynn -- “it would have been political malpractice not to discuss sanctions” -- and he's only sad that Flynn lied about it to the White House and the FBI. So, to summarize:

  1. They sent Flynn to discuss sanctions.
  2. He told Pence he didn't discuss sanctions.
  3. Flynn was fired for pretending that he didn't discuss the sanctions they sent him to discuss with Ambassador Kislyak.
  4. Also, no one in Trumpland has ever met a Russian person, and no one in the White House could find Russia on a map.


The Clampetts Load Up the Truck and Move To The White House

Barack Obama told Trump that Flynn was a bad hombre, and Sally Yates told Don McGahn TWICE that Flynn was compromised, but those sissy liberals are not the boss of REAL MAN Donald Trump! Flynn remained Trump's national security advisor until February 13, a full month after the Washington Post first reported that Flynn had discussed sanctions with Kislyak in December. The very next day, February 14, Trump asked Comey to "let this go" because "Flynn is a good guy," and how sad they had to fire him for lying to Mike Pence. Was it obstruction of justice? Or just an inexperienced politician expressing his hope that his buddy would get out of a jam?

Well, wonder no more!

He just ... he just tweeted it out! He just acknowledged he fired Flynn for lying to Mike Pence AND FOR LYING TO THE FBI. He knew Flynn was in trouble for lying to the FBI, and he still asked Comey to kill the investigation! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Wanna see legal Twitter lose its collective mind?

Manic Bender Time! Hooray!

After Trump tweeted out that he sure as shit knew about Flynn lying to the FBI when he fired him and asked Comey to "let this thing go," the White House staff did the only logical thing and confiscated Trump's phone.


No, they "fixed" it by telling everyone that actually Trump's lawyer John Dowd wrote the tweet. And while Trump's one superpower seems to be a forcefield that melts the brain of any attorney who comes within ten feet of him, you can color us skeptical on this one. With the possible exception of Ty Cobb, we have a very hard time believing that any attorney who wishes to continue practicing law would tweet out an admission of obstructing justice.

Whatcha got, legal Twitter?

So you're saying this is NOT good for the president? Hmmmmm.

Trump responded by howling and throwing his own poop. As is his habit.

So gravitas! Much presidential! Is the goon squad gearing up to You're Fired Mueller this week? HOLY SHIT! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Okay, Wonkers! We are going to go lie down until the room stops spinning. YIKES!

[Flynn Indictment / WaPo Flynn timeline / WaPo, again / NYTimes / WaPo, again]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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