O Hai Please Join Wonkette As We Travel To The Teens' March For Our Lives ON YOUR MANY DIMES!
Not Emma Gonzalez! That is ME! Her grandma from another mother! I just love her so much and want to kiss her on her face because we are TWINSIES (minus 28 years)!
We asked, you answered, and Wonkette is on its way to DC to DO JOURNALISM and KISS THE TEENS ON THEIR FACES and hold signs saying YAY TEENS and give them sunscreen! (In the form of IMPEACH hats, which we shall pass out like TEEN CANDY!)
YOU GUYS. IT IS MY BIRTHDAY. GIVE US ALL THE MONEY TO GO TO THE MARCH THING, WITH THE TEENS, FOR NO GUNS.
Here is our (STILL FLEXIBLE) first-half itinerary:
March 13: Do we have people in FARGO? If we have people in FARGO, or thereabouts, we will buy you a beer. If nobody emails me at rebecca at wonkette dot com and says WE ARE IN FARGO, or thereabouts, we will not stop and buy you a beer.
March 14: St. Paul, Minnesota!
March 15: Madison, Wisconsin!
March 16: Chicago! It's a no-host wine tasting (with appetizers on us!) at the lovely shop of a certified Friend of Wonkette, so if you ain't got $25 to join us PLEASE email me and we will walk in together like a very tall person in a raincoat, or else we will just bro you down, because the people already sent so much money, and I know for a fact they want you to come!
March 18: Pittsburgh, PA!
March 20: Philadelphia!
March 22: Brooklyn! The Red Hook part!
March 23: DC, we will buy you pizzas, to carbo-load for the MARCH!
March 24: DC, we will meet you somewhere before the march and try not to be two hours late to our own meetup, because now we know that is how long it takes to get out of the station!
March 25: Baltimore!
March 26: Morgantown, WV!
Then: Kentucky? Indianapolis? We have no idea what route we're taking home, because we don't know ANYTHING anymore. Except that we love you. Thank you for loving us right back.
And now you may OPEN THREAD!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.