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Oatmeal Nutella RESISTANCE Muffins: Because Donald Trump Is Not The Boss Of You!

Culture

Hey, Wonkers! Five Dollar Feminist here with a recipe. Before I switched to checking Twitter and shouting profanity all day long, I used to bake a lot. I even took some food-porny pictures.

Lately, though, it's been all adrenaline rage and no living your best life. But no more! Because Donald Trump is not the boss of me! And he's not the boss of you, either! Shit is really, really bad, but we still gotta eat. I'm going to bake these muffins -- and you go do some small thing that makes you a bit happier. RESISTANCE!

A note on measurements: MEASURING CUPS ARE FOR SUCKERS

I (used to) bake all the damn time, so I have all the baking things. You don't need all the things, but your life will be so much easier with a kitchen scale. Do you want to find the measuring cup, fill it with milk, pour out the milk, put the measuring cup in the sink, then wash the measuring cup? Or do you want to pour 227 grams of milk into the bowl, press the tare button, and get on with the resistance? King Arthur Flour will even tell you how much everything weighs.

You'll still need measuring spoons, though. If you have a scale precise enough to register 1/4 teaspoon of table salt, you should probably seek alternate employment.

Oatmeal Nutella RESISTANCE Muffins

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (150g)

1 cup quick oats (80g)

1/2 cup of sugar, or a little bit less if you prefer (100g)

1 tablespoon baking powder (15g)

1/4 teaspoon table salt

1 cup milk (227g)

1/4 cup vegetable oil (56g)

2 eggs

3-4 tablespoons Nutella (57-76g)

2 mixing bowls

12 cupcake papers

  1. Crank your oven up to 500˚ (475˚ convection). Yes, I'm serious!
  2. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with 12 cupcake papers, because Nutella is hella sticky.
  3. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, sugar, baking powder and salt.
  4. In a medium bowl, whisk together the milk, oil and eggs.
  5. Gently whisk the wet ingredients into the dry, being careful not to overbeat.
  6. Drop the Nutella by tablespoons into the muffin batter. Use a knife to marble the Nutella through.
  7. Divide the batter evenly among the liners - an ice cream scoop works best for this, but whatever, dude.
  8. Place in the oven and immediately drop temperature to 400˚ (375˚ convection).
  9. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until tops are just starting to brown. Serve warm or at room temperature.

[gallery columns="2" size="large" ids="617827,617825"]

If you put a dollar in the tip jar, I'll tell you how to make that porno cake!

[recipe adapted from King Arthur Flour]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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