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Obama Administration Crushes Nerds' Dreams, Will Not Build Death Star

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Nerds whopetitioned the White House to "Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016" were dealt a massive wedgie by Paul "Darth" Shawcross Friday. The Chief of the Science and Space Branch of the Office of Management and Budget posted a fairly epic bit of geekery, noting that "The Administration does not support blowing up planets" and carefully including many catchphrases from the popular "Star Trek" series of films, in which the "Death Star" is a sizeable fortress inhabited by venomous space elves of some sort.*


The response is actually a pretty nice bit of slow-news-day fluff, combining Star Wars riffs and reminders that the Administration is considerably more pro-science than the other guys, and trumpeting some of the science and tech programs it's supporting. (Does Shawcross mention the kinda-cancellation of plans for manned missions to Mars? Ha! Was Carrie Fisher ever sober while shooting Empire?)

Shawcross also notes that we have a President who "knows his way around a light saber" (nerd cred points off, Paul -- it's a single word) and links to this nifty video of Barack Obama goofing around with a kid's science fair demonstration at the White House:

Didja notice the Nerd President's choice of words at 0:28? The man effortlessly quotes Star Wars without even calling attention to it. Now, witness the power of this fully operational marshmallow cannon!

In any case, we already knew that our President is one hella fine nerd, as we all saw in this 2009 video of John Hodgman at the Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner:

* Haha, that is all just Bantha poodoo! We are actually big Star Wars fans, which means we are just as incapable of serious adult relationships as any of you.

[We The People via alert Wonketteer "gullywompr"]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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