Donate

President Obama is spending these crucial first days of the War in Libya tending to his flocks of alpacas in the mountains of South America, so it's understandable that it's taken him days to notify Congress he is blowing up that African nation and to tell the rest of us why. So now, at long last, here's the reason why: There isn't one. The White House apparentlymade a big boo-boo yesterday in issuing a statement that said our goal in Libya is "installing a democratic system," words they later had to retract, because we would never want anyone to think the United States of America supports democracy. Yes, Gaddafi may coincidentally fall from us spending millions of dollars a day bombing him, but we really don't care if does or not! Officially, Obama says, we are there to "protect civilians," but considering this is a civil war consisting of two sides of tribes who are both shooting each other and taking prisoners and asserting their authority, it's hard to tell which one is supposed to be "civilian." So, yeah, there's no official point to all of this.


Hillary Clinton:

"Now obviously, if we want to see a stable, peaceful, hopefully someday democratic Libya, it is highly unlikely that can be accomplished if he stays in power as he is."

Yes, obviously, the United States is not taking the side of Gaddhafi. But is it taking the side of the rebels wearing camo uniforms who are killing people who support Gaddhafi? By definition, no. It is taking the side of mysterious neutral "civilians" who couldn't give a fuck whether they live under a brutal cartoon despot who rapes apart their families or a beautiful, shimmering Western democracy that provides them hopes and dreams and the individual right to not be raped.

In other words, the only people in Libya who can truly be considered "civilian" probably aren't Libyans at all. They're unattached foreign war observers and consultants and such. The kind of people who would, say, be good for leading an occupational government? Aha! [The Hill/ABC News]

$
Donate with CC

OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

$
Donate with CC

The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc